Alrighty, before I pose my question to you, a little background information is needed.
My name is Steve. I am 16 and currently reside in Salem, Oregon with my mom and 9-year old sister. My dad lives in McMinnville, Oregon and has been divorced from my mom for a number of years. Previous to this year, I had been living with him.
As of this last school year, I have dropped out of highschool(It was my sophomore year) and am currently in pursuit of getting my GED. I had a job as a landscaper until a few days ago when I quit. The reason for me quiting was the belief that I was not so fitted for the tasks that faced me while I worked.
I've been failing school since the 6th grade. Though I am not stupid(unless it comes to math), I did lack the motivation and, later, the cause for me to try in school.
In 8th grade I had begun smoking marijuana, and this continued through the summer and into my freshman year without my dad noticing. Around the second semester of my freshman year, I had realised that I was in love with a girl. I had kept these feelings to myself, for my dad had threatened boarding school, and I knew that if I had gotten involved with her it would hurt too much to leave.
One day, I was upstairs at my house doing my chores when my dad came up, went into the bathroom and reached in my pocket. Receding from my pocket, his hand held 9 marijuana seeds, which I was going to sell for $20 a pop to people I knew at school. I was soon lectured and disciplined. I knew my fate was sealed. I would be sent to a boarding school by the school years end.
Though hard as I tried, I had eventually ended up going out with the girl, and the next week or so were the best of my life thus far.
On the way back to school(my dad went to hawaii, so I was left at my moms and she let me go to McMinnville and stay there so I could see the girl), my dad had told me he was going to give me a drug test after school. I still had weed in my system, so I knew that if I took the drug test, he would send me to boarding school that very day. It was the last week of school, and I knew he would send me either way at the end of the week. When I had gotten to school, I told the girl of my plan to not go home. I wouldn't leave her so soon, not for 16+ months at a boarding school with no visitation.
So, I didn't go home, but I had stayed in town too long and was caught the next day. I was at the boarding school for 3 months before I decided I could not stay. I ran away, and was on the run for a month before stupidly going back to McMinnville abd getting arrested.
During the month on the run, I had broken up with the girl. Not because I no longer loved her, but because I wanted her to have something better than a teenage run-away with no hope for the future(me).
After I was caught again, I was sent to Sagewalk a.k.a. Brat Camp, which used to be a show. I was there for 36 days before my dad finally gave in(the boarding school that I had previously gone to would not re-admit me) to my pleading letters and let me live with my mom. This was last November. I have since dropped out of school, and my mom is in the process of obtaining custody of me.
I have been keeping in contact with the girl(as a friend) but have recently noticed that she may still have feelings for me, but may also be developing some for someone I once knew. I still love her, and feel I always will, but am not sure how to tell her or even if I should. It seems impossible for me to be with her because of my dad and other factors, such as us living in different cities. I would give anything to make her happy, but I'm not sure how to go about it.
She wants me to quit smoking and drinking and go to college.
Should I try and go back to McMinnville, and if so, how should I go about it?
There isn't anyone I could live with in McMinnville except my dad, and he would just send me away again.
Or should I not try and get back with her, and just let things be?
And if so, what do I do now? I have no ambitions whatsoever.
Those are the questions I'd like answered. If you need more information, please contact me at evogateway@yahoo.com