Alrighty, before I pose my question to you, a ...

Alrighty, before I pose my question to you, a little background information is needed.

My name is Steve. I am 16 and currently reside in Salem, Oregon with my mom and 9-year old sister. My dad lives in McMinnville, Oregon and has been divorced from my mom for a number of years. Previous to this year, I had been living with him.

As of this last school year, I have dropped out of highschool(It was my sophomore year) and am currently in pursuit of getting my GED. I had a job as a landscaper until a few days ago when I quit. The reason for me quiting was the belief that I was not so fitted for the tasks that faced me while I worked.

I've been failing school since the 6th grade. Though I am not stupid(unless it comes to math), I did lack the motivation and, later, the cause for me to try in school.

In 8th grade I had begun smoking marijuana, and this continued through the summer and into my freshman year without my dad noticing. Around the second semester of my freshman year, I had realised that I was in love with a girl. I had kept these feelings to myself, for my dad had threatened boarding school, and I knew that if I had gotten involved with her it would hurt too much to leave.

One day, I was upstairs at my house doing my chores when my dad came up, went into the bathroom and reached in my pocket. Receding from my pocket, his hand held 9 marijuana seeds, which I was going to sell for $20 a pop to people I knew at school. I was soon lectured and disciplined. I knew my fate was sealed. I would be sent to a boarding school by the school years end.

Though hard as I tried, I had eventually ended up going out with the girl, and the next week or so were the best of my life thus far.

On the way back to school(my dad went to hawaii, so I was left at my moms and she let me go to McMinnville and stay there so I could see the girl), my dad had told me he was going to give me a drug test after school. I still had weed in my system, so I knew that if I took the drug test, he would send me to boarding school that very day. It was the last week of school, and I knew he would send me either way at the end of the week. When I had gotten to school, I told the girl of my plan to not go home. I wouldn't leave her so soon, not for 16+ months at a boarding school with no visitation.

So, I didn't go home, but I had stayed in town too long and was caught the next day. I was at the boarding school for 3 months before I decided I could not stay. I ran away, and was on the run for a month before stupidly going back to McMinnville abd getting arrested.

During the month on the run, I had broken up with the girl. Not because I no longer loved her, but because I wanted her to have something better than a teenage run-away with no hope for the future(me).

After I was caught again, I was sent to Sagewalk a.k.a. Brat Camp, which used to be a show. I was there for 36 days before my dad finally gave in(the boarding school that I had previously gone to would not re-admit me) to my pleading letters and let me live with my mom. This was last November. I have since dropped out of school, and my mom is in the process of obtaining custody of me.

I have been keeping in contact with the girl(as a friend) but have recently noticed that she may still have feelings for me, but may also be developing some for someone I once knew. I still love her, and feel I always will, but am not sure how to tell her or even if I should. It seems impossible for me to be with her because of my dad and other factors, such as us living in different cities. I would give anything to make her happy, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

She wants me to quit smoking and drinking and go to college.

Should I try and go back to McMinnville, and if so, how should I go about it?

There isn't anyone I could live with in McMinnville except my dad, and he would just send me away again.

Or should I not try and get back with her, and just let things be?

And if so, what do I do now? I have no ambitions whatsoever.

Those are the questions I'd like answered. If you need more information, please contact me at evogateway@yahoo.com

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Hi quanerts,

I read your story over and over again carefully. I must say your story really moved me and I really want to help you. First I feel like you should know that I am a true believer in love. I think love prevails a lot of things in our life. Even those obstacles you mentioned in your story.

But I do think that before you are going to try to make any move advised here or in other place I think you should seek for some professional help. I think you find someone to talk to in person. I do think you can find some good tips here online but I think your story shows a lot of problems you must overcome before proceeding in your life furthermore in your love life.  I think after you solve your personal problems meaning family , school etc. You will be able to deal better with a relationship and devote your self  to it and not to other worries. 

 

Good luck ...


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I remember life at 16. Everything seems final so serious. You have many years ahead of you, many loves to experience, but when I was 16 you could not have told me that. First thing, finish your GED. Perhaps highschool wasn't for you (although you miss so much if you do not go back) Work on yourself. Find what makes you happy and pursue it. Go to college and talk with your family. It seems your mother is trying to please you no matter what bad decisions you make and your dad is trying to make you do the right thing all the wrong ways. You can never find true love unless you love yourself. Maybe this girl is the one, probably not, but you will never know unless you deal with yourself first. Perhaps you are not ready to know your life goals but you are not ready to be on your own. A man ready to run off after his dream girl must be ready to support himself and make sacrifices to do so. Work hard for little money, live in not so great places, etc., but you have already quit your job because it wasn't for you. Be a kid. Enjoy life. Slow down. Get an education. Life has so much to offer.


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I remember life at 16. Everything seems final so serious. You have many years ahead of you, many loves to experience, but when I was 16 you could not have told me that. First thing, finish your GED. Perhaps highschool wasn't for you (although you miss so much if you do not go back) Work on yourself. Find what makes you happy and pursue it. Go to college and talk with your family. It seems your mother is trying to please you no matter what bad decisions you make and your dad is trying to make you do the right thing all the wrong ways. You can never find true love unless you love yourself. Maybe this girl is the one, probably not, but you will never know unless you deal with yourself first. Perhaps you are not ready to know your life goals but you are not ready to be on your own. A man ready to run off after his dream girl must be ready to support himself and make sacrifices to do so. Work hard for little money, live in not so great places, etc., but you have already quit your job because it wasn't for you. Be a kid. Enjoy life. Slow down. Get an education. Life has so much to offer.


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You have had quite a life already to be so young.  I want to tell you that your story is not one that would be considered appauling.  We all go through rough patches in our lives especially as young people.  You don't have to let one or two bad situations ruin your whole life.  You can still be a happy and fullfilled young man.  As for moving back with your dad I have to say NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If hes just gonna send you away instead of being a father and dealing with you himself he doesnt deserve you. Parents are so quick to send their kids away when they don't know how or don't want to deal with a problem with their child.  For example I was 12 when my step father told my mother that she could either keep him or keep me, but she couldn't have both.  I was sent away to a girls home for a year because she didn't want to lose her man.  How messed up is that? Im 23 now Im in college and I smoke weed.  I'm not stupid, I get good grades ( I just go an A and a B in my summer school classes) and I function in society just fine.  I think you should definatley get your GED and see about some collegs courses.  you say you have no ambition.  I didnt either when I first started college.  I took a couple of different classes that I thought I'd be good at and I decided on nursing.  You don't have to know what you want to do before you get there.  Get your GED, go to college, explore, and let your mind run free!!!! The smoking and drinking is not the worst thing in the world, but it depends on how much and how often you are doing both.  If you are a habitual user I would suggest slowing down.  It's okay in my opinion to smoke and drink in MODERATION. Too much of anything can be a bad thing.  As for the girl I hate to say it, but buddy you've got bigger and better things to worry about.  You can't be in a meaningful relationship with anyone if you dont feel good about yourself and the position you are in.  Concentrate on yourself for the time being and then worry about another relationship once you feel stable. I think it would be best for the two of you to stay friends.  If its too hard just to be her friend and not her boyfrind then you may need to distance yourself so you don't get derailed on your journey for a happier and more successful life for yourself.  I hope that you living with your mom and sister helps.  The enviroments that peole live in have a lot to do with how they feel about themselves and just life in general. If your living enviroment is better soo you will be too.  Have hope and if you are religious, look to our Lord and God.  Ask them for help.  I have found that they may not answer as soon as you call, but they'll be there for you when it really counts.  I hope everything works out for you.  I think you'll be just fine.  


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