JKG -- thank you.
FIRST CONSIDER WHAT HAS BEEN RECOMMENDED . . . JKG knows so much and she 'calls it as she sees it!' HER RECOMENDATION IS THE SAME AS MINE WOULD BE!
"There's nothing which can't exist!" An affirmation of the ability to overcome all that negates Life?
Werewolf of the White Woods
Interesting name you've chose because of what it says . . . from out of the darkness into the light?
Frustration with your Life and still hoping that there is a way to find answers. To pass through the deep dark forest and see the sunshine and feel it's warmth -- the answers to your questions.
I know that there are medical diagnoses that can change one's concepts and cause so much damage. If I write as a physician, it is because I recently retired. Do you have a family physician? That's the way to know if there is an underlying medical condition. With that evaluation, the physician will be able to offer the necessary options.
"All my life, I seem to have made bad decisions on my part (despite all the good intentions I've had for myself and others)."
) Eighteen years is long enough to formulate an 'opinion' but not long enough to be so judgmental, is it?
"Now, my life has become nothing but dissapointment and a mere reflection of what could be love. I've gotten down to almost nothing left."
)Look carefully at the 'reflection' -- reflections are a means of distortion. Few images are clear and precise so you may think that you have almost nothing left when there is a lifetime that needs to be Lived. Love has a way of finding it's way into one's life when it is least expected -- learn to love the 'person' that is the 'real you.'
"Nothing I can see in my life is worth continueing with the way it's going. My friends are distant, my girlfriend (who I already can't see and can barely talk to) will not tell me what's wrong . . ."
)Have you considered that your friends and girlfriend may be wrong or that they don't know how to be supportive? Perhaps 'they' have problems, too and don't know how to cope with all of this? You find the 'definition of self' and look for the positives, not the negatives.
" . . . and my whole family (who can't see the real me) sees me as not only the fall out guy for everything, but also the family screw up who can't do anything right."
)If they 'can't see the real you,' could that be because they need an excuse for their own shortcomings and can't find their own answers? If you allow their definition of you, then where is your 'definition of self?' Don't accept that as a rational because it isn't rational!'
"Where does someone like me (an 18 year old guy who can't seem to get anything good out of his life) turn when your whole world is slowly wearing away before you and all you can seem to do is delay the inevitable?"
)You write very well and you are able to express your own feelings. Inevitable? Why? You have choices that allow you to change that 'mind set.' You chose to express yourself in a way that offers you protection (an open forum) and a way to have others offer suggestions, didn't you? In my opinion, you answered your own question. Yedda has a way of care and concern that comes with those who already know and trust each other. JKG? I trust her judgment from past experience.
There are others that will offer their advice and opinions, too -- each from a different perspective. Give this some thought and time.
This is a way to help you find answers.
IF THIS HAS PAST THAT POINT THEN CALL A HOTLINE OR THE NEAREST HOSPITAL!
Eighteen years isn't enough time and I know that you have an above average intelligence because of your ability to express yourself -- both with words, vocabulary and concepts. What a tragic loss this would be for one as young as you.
"Es gibt nichts Gutes außer man tut es . . ."
"Actions speak louder than words . . "
hs
