Getting close to people and then "losing" them is hard for anyone, especially a young person like you. People come and go in everyone's life...it's only natural, but I totally understand that you desire that closeness with people. When we are young, whatever issues that originate with our parents, are projected onto life in general. So you are projecting the loss of something that you expect to be close with...with your friends. I don't think that is the real core of your pain. It's your parents. The reason why you are doing so badly in school is because that is the only thing in your life that you can control, or that you can decide which way it will go, good or bad. You will always regret not doing your best in school, and from reading your post, I believe that you are a very, I mean very, intelligent young person. So, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, and start doing good in school. Another point I would like to make is that you should venture out to the states because I agree with you on that your environment dictates your quality of life! So that is very important for you. I do not understand why you cannot be w/ your parents, but I really urge you to see a counselor asap! Do you know why? Because if you do not "unload" all of these issues that have accumulated thus far in your life, you will be carrying that around with you, and you will not afford yourself the happiness that is waiting for you, all of this stuff will be getting in your way. And yes, you very well may have clinical depression, but I'll say this, if I thought I had let's say a broken leg, I wouldn't wonder about it, I'd go see a professional. It's the only right thing to do! Before I go, I want to share this story with you:
Two men were sitting on a park bench feeding the birds. Man 1 and Man 2. Man 2 noticed that Man 1 was carrying around a very large bottle with him and asked him what was in the bottle.
Man 1 said "Oh, when I get angry, I put all of my anger in this bottle."
Man 2 "And you carry it around with you?"
Man 1 "Yes"
Man 2 "Why would you carry your anger around with you? Isn't it heavy? And doesn't it get in the way of things?"
Man 1 "Yes it does."
Man 2 "Well, why don't you just let it go?"
Man 1 "Let my anger go? How do I do that?"
Man 2 "You have to release it."
So Man 1 unscrewed the lid to the bottle and released all his anger
Man 1 "Thank you for talking with me, now I know I don't have to bottle all my anger and carry it around with me!
So the two men talked, and laughed and had a great time, and Man 1 realized he never had to carry his anger around with him after all! And he was a better man.
The End
