Im recently got in a relationship with a woman i've known and loved for 13 years she has 2 kids who mean the world to both of us a 7 year old and a 2 year old neither are mine but i could'nt love either of them anymore if they were or at least I dont think I could, the only problem is my partner and i both came from broken homes and know what its like to only have one parent around at a time she was in a relationship with the kids dad we've been together for right at two months now and she feels she should go back to her ex and at least try one more time for the kids sake, can anyone tell me if they have ever been in a situation like this and how things turned out, our at least offer me some advice on how this should make me feel and what i should do ?
This is really a sad and tragic situation - you had a promise of a future and a beautiful life and almost family, and now she's taking it's all away and going back to her ex - it does seem very unfair.
I can disect the situation and try to explain your girlfriend to you, but I think that the main thing for you to do right now is to stay with yourself and be honest with your feelings - be angry, be sad, be disappointed. She has the right to do whatever she wants, and so do you. You can't make her do anything she doesn't want to and if she's got her heart set on going back to this guy, then there's really nothing you can do about it.
Just let yourself be sad and grieve over the abandonment and lack of fairness in the world, until you are over the relationship.
Sometimes you have to let go of good to get to great.
Many people look at divorce or failed partnership as a failure, particularly if children are involved. She feels guilt worrying over whether she tried hard enough or long enough to make that relationship work. Those kids are at the top of her list, and she wants what is best for them. I imagine as much as those kids love you, they still have a strong bond with their father. Your partner wonders how the break affects them. She wanted to give them the happy family she didn't have coming from a broken home.
The point here is that it has nothing to do with you. Her feelings for you are second to her kids. You may be the best person for her, but she's worried about what is best for her children, not herself.
That said, there is nothing you can do, but urge her to make a decision. It's not fair to live in limbo like that. If it is the idea of failure that she is struggling with, she needs either to go back or accept the situation and make the best of it. Divorced families can still be happy families if the parents put their children ahead of their pride and desires.
If she does go back, you can't do anything about that but let go and move on. I know that is difficult to hear, but know that her decision isn't a reflection on you.
{Insert Catchy Phrase HERE}
Trying to keep a relationship together "for the kids" is usually harder on the kids in the long run than letting the relationship disolve naturally and moving on to a happer life. If she's decided to go back to her ex, I'm afraid the only thing you can do is support her and be there for her and hope she comes around. I've recently been through something similar.
My g/f has 2 kids, ages 5years and 3months, neither are mine but I've known them both since birth. She's been through one bad relationship after another, including an extremely violent marriage, and only recently realized after 12 years of friendship that i've been the only guy to tell her he loved her and mean it. In my case it worked out, all I had to do was wait until she saw me for the man I am...All I can say is good luck, keep loving her, and she'll probably see the light soon enough.
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