Please help, my stepson is out of control

First, let me say that you have my sympathies.

Next, let me remind you that this boy's world has been turned upside down. You don't mention what happened to his mother, but he is now 9 years of age and came to you when he was 6?

I know it's difficult, but please try to keep in mind; he's a child. He is a child whose life has been turned upside down and he's angry about it. And so, he takes it out on the person whom he perceives as the cause of the problem - and that happens to be you. If you can, try to remember what my mother always said: Bad behavior is a call for love.

Meanwhile, if you are not already aware of this resource, here is a link to a site with lots of good information for families with stepparents and stepchildren (aka: blended or bonus families).

www.bonusfamilies.com

I'm sure they can help. Good luck to all of you.

I hope you will look into the bonus families site. They also write an advice column, and I am sure they are familiar with the issues you describe.

Meanwhile, I also like the advice of Dr. John Rosemond. He has a very down to earth and back to basics take on matters of discipline and child psychology, which I find works a lot better than the tendency of some parents to be their child's buddy.

Here is a link to his website. I believe it may be fee-based, but in my opinion it might well be worth it.

www.rosemond.com

Again, good luck.

Hi momof5.  The first thought that came to me is.. where is this boy's bio mom? By all this ridiculous behavior, and hostility towards you, I'd say he's missing his mother, possibly resents her for not being in his life enough, if at all, and like jkgrandma said, he's taking it out on you!

I'd sit down with him and ask him strait out if he misses his mom, if he's mad at her. Ask him about problems with kids or Teachers at school. Maybe if you show him some compassion and concern rather than your personal frustration and vulnerability, he will see you as remaining the Parent, not an available 'oppertunity' to vent his emotions.

My best advise to you, (as a step-mom myself) would be to stay in control. Nip it in the bud with him now. It sounds like he's lost respect for MOMS.. which could cause him to lose respect for women, forever. Cut this boy off at the pass sister! While there's still time. You are the adult, his role model, you can do this with dignity.

Hi Momof5. Medication for children scares me! I can't believe all these mental diagnosis and mood altering drugs for kids!.. It's absurd.

Sorry it's taken so long for me to read your comment.. I have a little one who's been sick! Anyway, I have a new idea for you then. I wonder if your step-son is jealous of your relationship with his dad. Like maybe he thinks his dad spends more time with you than he does with him... that his dad even cares about you more than he cares about him.

This might have to be something you talk to your husband in private about.. him spending more quality time alone with his son, showing his son affection infront of you as if he is just as acknowledged and important.

These types of problems with kids can be so complex, especially since they can't verbally express their feelings like adults can. So we're left to keep a close watch on them and pay attention to details.

Give the dad thing a try, and keep intouch!