I am 36 yrs old and blessed with two kids.i was ...

i am 36 yrs old and blessed with two kids.i was married 8 yrs ago. ours was more than a happy married life.i was a teacher and my husband was in a bank.we left our professions and joined insurance sector. Both of us had been competetive proffessionals.I used to help my husband from cold calling to maturing of the cases. We had two agencies but he worked in only his agency. Soon he became no1 is division. After 7 yrs of complete assistence i had a fee;ing of nobody. I have no say over the expenditure or business. i felt i can do it myself aswell. But to my horror he backed out and i was given no support. I took some monetary help from my parrents and started my own business. He kept a few girls advisors and was more than busy is his office.Though I started my job I was asked to take care of everything my home , my children, household duties etc... Day after day it was becoming more n more taxing and i started hating my husband. He would say i can do nothing. these girls who have just joined are much professional. He would praise them before me. I hated it. Previously i used to sit in office but i cannot stand they way he used to talk with them. So i left going to his office aswell. I started from a scratch and with in 9 months started earning 25000 a month. I have a feeling to use the money the way i want tobut i have no right. He would give me money when i asked for. Its disgusting to ask your own hard earned for your own use. Now i dont like my husband anymore. Probably i hate him. I die everyday when I need to talk to someone but there is no one whom i can trust.I disrespect him because i dont like to listen to him. He has kept his sister as office coordinator. I am thrown out of our office. He has shifted to a new and bigger office. I had never been there. I hate him because he was never there when i wanted him. And know he has a number of people around him and he doesnt need me.

I want to live him just for the kids cause they need both mother and father.I hurt him whenever i feel hurt. We dont talk to each other for days months and then some time everything becomes normal and again things become worse. Pl help me I want my own identity. now I am doing very well
my collegues tell me i am one of the best financial advisors in town. I feel good when i here my praise. At the same time i dont want to loose him. We spent some good time in initial marriage.

What should i do to change my attitude towards my life. I want to live peacefully but now i dont want to leave my identity as well?

Please help...

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help me with a solution to live a healthy relation

Posted 2009-09-28T19:15:36Z
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mom2344

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35 helpful answers

I am sorry for your current struggle. It's hard when someone we love doesn't love us the way we had hoped they would.

I am also unclear as to whether you are still legally married? Or just living apart?

Please, may I ask you this first:

You say you have started your own business with money your parents lent you? Your income is high ($300,000 a year?) and this seems like a very solid salary to live on comfortably with your children. Does your husband have any legal ties to your business? If he doesn't and you're divorced, then you are free to spend your own salary the way you want to . There should be no legal or financial tie to him as long as it wasn't part of the divorce decree. But if you are still married then I have no idea what your state laws say about the finances and who gets what. I would seek out an attorney for answers on that.

You were kicked out of his office? Do you have any legal rights there as well? Any financial rights to his business?

Also, you say you want to stay together for the children. I will be honest with you, that is probably the worst thing you can do for them if there is no love, or respect and no relationship left between their mother and father! What kind of example are you setting for them if they grow up watching their parents struggling in a loveless and disrespectful marriage? The best thing you could do is to either try to reconcile together in counseling, or leave him and find yourself a man who will love and cherish you and show your kids as well that two adult people can and do love, respect and trust in one another and grow in the same direction as one, not separate and apart. Your identity is NOT in your husband , but in who YOU are as a successful business woman, mother and most of all, woman! You have done well in your business! You should be very proud of that! That takes a lot of hard work and dedication! Good for you!

I urge you to put yourself and your children first here. Get out of this loveless marriage and find a man that deserves your love and will cherish you. And be honest with your children, they're smarter than you think they are. It's simply a fact of life; people get divorced. Tell them that you will always love their father, but sometimes married people cannot live together and the best thing they can do for themselves and the family, is to make sure everyone is happy,and that two, happy, parents living apart is better for all.

I hope you get the life you deserve! Blessings!

Posted 2009-09-30T01:17:01Z

In reply to meena's question