Kim
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Please help, need advice on how to heal after an affair, or what can I do to help the pain?

Still hanging in there.  I did not know that someone could physically hurt so bad and still breath. There are good days and a lot of bad days.  I think that I am suffering from some depression.  The advice that I have received from a few of you has been more helpful then you realize, it is just nice that some of you are taking the time to answer my question or tell me their experience and how they delt with it.  I guess my question is still needing more advice on how to get past the pain of my husband cheating on me after 19 years of marriage. I am just 41, my kids are at good ages, life should be great, or normal.  I can tell he is trying so hard, and I know he is deeply sorry, but for some reason I cant get past this and it has been 5 months now.  A lot of times when people find out that their spouse have been unfaithful, that may be all they really find out (and thats enough).  I found cards with her picture she sent him, pictures she text messaged him.  I got on his text messages on his phone and the messages he thought he had deleted were still there, I dont know how I got them to pull up, but they did, so I got to read first hand all the stuff they said to each other and it stays in my mind.  The fact that she is younger then me and pretty does not help, I just feel so screwed up.  People suggest  counseling but I checked into it and it is like 100.00 for 1 hour, I have 3 teenagers, I can not afford that.  I am a religious person and my faith is even being tested like never before.  I know this happens to a lot of people and I have been told that, but it doesnt help how I feel. I know I probably sound pathetic, I am just so tired of hurting.  I love him so much, but I dont like him right now , if that makes sense, it is even hard to look at him.  So since I cant afford counseling, this has been helpful.  Any advice from anyone who has been through and got through this is much appreciated.  At first it was like we were on a long honeymoon again when I decided to forgive him and work things out, but now, the reality has set in again of just what really happened and it has been like I have stepped back in reverse instead of going forward.  Please help, I feel like I am getting to the end of my rope and I have got to pull myself together for the sake of my kids, my marriage and me. Thanks again to anyone who takes the time to reply.,


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467 thumbs up

If you want to successfully close an unpleasant and hurtful experience you must erase everything that would remind you of the past. So make sure that all messages, photos, etc. are totally deleted. You hardly mention how your husband is helping you to heal and it might be you are taking too much on yourself when your husband should be playing a more important role. I can understand your inability to go for counseling so I think you and your husband should try to work things out together. You cannot expect to do it on your own.


Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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Live simply, love generously and  care deeply.

 

I think you should also ask some of your church members or talk to your pastor.  It's not easy to forget but you have to really try.  Rock is right, you need to involve your husband in this.  You can't do this on your own.


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