I have no idea what is going on with my body. Two years ago I had a gastric band fitted. Basically I had to have it removed a few months back as it slipped and was causing me to constantly vomit. I dropped down to 7 stone, my kidneys stopped working and I was basically on the verge of death. After the band removal I gained about a stone and a half over the period of a month. Seeing the weight increase so fast I panicked and became bulimic. For 5 -6 months I threw up after nearly every meal, i would binge and then vomit, my weight stayed at 9 and a half stone but I was unhealthy and I didn't want to be bulimic.
The entire process of the band and the dramatic and fast weight loss completely messed with my mental health. I have serious issues with my body, for a while I thought I might have BDD (body dysmorphia disorder) but judging by my weight and inches I know my ugly body isn't just in my mind. Anyway I stopped the bulimia and went for the healthy life style.
For the past 6 weeks I have joined a gym and love it. I go mostly 4-5 days a week for 2 hours. I burn about 300 cals using fat burn technics like cross country training, threadmill and rowing machine, i spend about an hour lifting weights doing sit ups and generaly stretching. (I have no idea how many cals that would burn) my calorie intake per day after exercise is about 1000 to 1200 cals. I eat wheetabix with low fat milk in the morning, rice cakes and tuna for lunch with a low fat yogurt and veg for dinner with a protein product like chicken, meat, fish etc. I might snack on humous and 22 cal brad sticks if I get peckish in the evening. I drink 2 litres of water a day and green teas to detox.
I am trying so hard and not only have I gained weight but also inches. My clothes will not fit me. Its driving me crazy, I feel like crying everyday. I lost 7 stone with the band and i really really don't want to gain it all again, I know if I did It would make me suicidal. I couldn't live with myself. When I was underweight I was so comfortable with my body and now I always feel fat. When I started in the gym I was almost 10 stone now I am nearly 11 stone and have gained almost 2 inches pretty much all over, including my neck.
What the hell is wrong with me. It isn't fair. I am working so hard and reeping no benifits. I don't want to turn to bulimia again. Can someone shed any light as to why this is happening. I will do anything to be healthy and lose some weight. But no matter what I do it just gets worse and I am losing faith in myself. My confidence is shattered. Please please help me.
I am 5ft 7" and a fairly lean looking build. I can carry the weight I am at but I don't want to be this weight. I don't want to be a size 12. I am happier as a size 8-10.
Thanks in advance.
