As we say in french, "les conseilleurs ne sont pas les payeurs", I think you should find the answer on your own, people shouldn't tell you what to do with YOUR marriage. I have to say you all have been very unfair to this lady for judging her that way. Nowadays, men and women cheat, it's no longer "menage a 3" but "menage a 4", they both have lovers. The only thing you should have restrained from doing is sending a letter to the wife of that crazy man. Get a hint! this was karma, You thought the woman would talk to the husband and put him on a leash? NO, this was a normal reaction from a woman who suffered from her husband's infedility. In fact, your real issue is self esteem. We have our own problems but most of the time we create them and that being done, sooner or laterwe have to pay the bill! there is always one. The hardest part is the kids who reject you but saving your marriage is harder. Your husband will have hard time with trust. All in all, if I were you I'll do it only if I still love my husband because when love is gone, is gone for a long time, so you'll find yourself with the same situation. Counseling is great, you tell your problems to a professional and you learn more about each other. After a while, the couple get tired,that's life but us, women should never have to go seek help in another man's arms. That should remain a man thing because if you look closely, we are definitely smarter, we are curious, we love details. why don't we stick to our inner self? why do we have to look for others for comfort? just one thing, we should THINK FIRST!