Sammie, I understand that this is hard for you.
All I can tell you is that you are going to have to take things one step at a time, just as you are learning to do in A.A.
It is okay to be afraid, but you are going to have to learn that for yourself. When you are ready to acknowledge your fears without trying to cover them up by drinking and smoking, then perhaps you will be ready to have the procedure.
Until then, please try to focus on controlling what you can and letting go of the rest.
