I am trying so hard to move on.

Yes you are like us all. Yes, it’s normal to feel the way you do. If you find it hard to let go, and don’t forget “move on,” then maybe you do need professional help, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Things like this can consume you if you aren’t able to cope. So having said that, remember one thing. “Looking back, holds you back.” So, if you did nothing wrong to these so called friends, for them to treat you this way, then to heck with them. Be blessed.

To me, this sounds like a gay relationship, which are often more difficult than hetero relationships.

You need to pack up your bags and move to a gay friendly city, like San Fran, LA, Chicago, Columbus OH, NYC etc, and start life over and turn your back on the past.   All the best.   GENO

Stop beating yourself up.  If you did not feel hurt or confused after the dissolution of a relationship, you'd be missing the emotion gene. I know, you thought the world would end before your relationship would.  Mutual friends often don't know which side to take.  Remember, there are always three sides to every story - yours, mine, and the truth.  I, too lost those I thought were friends after a breakup.  Yes, some may have gone with him, but I believe many just chose to stay away from both parties, caring for each of us equally, and being just as confused as you are, finding it easier to just break ties with both parties.

Sometimes it helps to diary your feelings; doesn't have to be done daily, just write down what you feel or what you think as it occurs, especially those thoughts that you can contradict yourself.  Note what was good, what hurt you, why it hurt you, what you expected and didn't get, or what you didn't expect and did get. Later, a month or perhaps two, go back and reread your notes.  Often you'll find the handwriting was on the wall all the time; you didn't see it because you were emotionally involved and wanted it to work so badly.  When you love someone you tend to believe only the good stuff.  

There is a terrific book "Notes to Myself" by Hugh Prather, first copyrighted in 1970.  It is not a story, nor can it be called fiction or non-fiction, but rather a collection of thoughts he jotted down, and in doing so was able to go through a sort of self-analysis.  This was the first in a series he wrote.  Powerful stuff!  Good luck to you from someone who's been there.  By the way, if anyone tells you they've never been there, they are lying!

It's not easy putting the past in it's place-which is "the past". I don't know if you're involve but if you're not that maybe a reason for the past to continue to arise in your mind. If you have someone that usually helps tremendously in not thinking of negative past. The key is to stay busy and laughing as much as you can. Avoid talking about relationships with your friends, just say can we change the subject. As long as you continue having conversation of this nature with friends those thoughts are going to pop in your head. They say you have to forgive and it will set you free. when you hold grudges it will continue to haunt you, it's like a bad spirit.  

Dear MaintainFocus,

People handle the breakup of a relationship differently and there are many types of relationships.  Most people that decide to end a dating relationship do not look back, except to reflect on what they learned (good or bad) from the experience of being with that individual.

When you reflect on the good or bad, you have a much better understanding of yourself and hopefully a better understanding of who the other person was and why the relationship failed or didn't turn into a "long-term" relationship.  You either respect that person for who they are or you have negative and bad feelings for that person.  Some people don't know how to express or deal with their anger and they hold onto these bad feelings.  They blame the other person for the breakup of the relationship because they do not want to take responsibility and admit to being partly responsible themselves.  Others turn those bad feelings inward and blame themselves (guilt, shame & fear of being imperfect).

By the time one person is willing to admit to the other person, what they could or should have done differently, it is too late to salvage the relationship.  The other person may have already moved on and into yet another relationship.  Rebound relationships are usually "short-term," but they serve a purpose to the individual who was trying to recover from the pain of a loss.  The person on the receiving end (unless seeking a short-term relationship) will usually get hurt.  This is why people lose interest in dating.  Their goals may not be the same.

It is important to understand up front what type of relationship you want to pursue.  Be honest with your intentions, so others do not get hurt in the crossfire from your previous "failed" relationships.

Blessings,

~ nmpb ~  

You simply amed yourself? You must be kidding... Someone involved here must have a serious issue to sort out

If you NOW don't like your ex, and NOW don't like your former circle of friends, then it sure is good they are all but ignoring you.  If you can afford it, move to a different city or state -- or at least, further away in your own city or state, (or even to another country!)  If you have to stay where you are, them make NEW friends, and get a job....or a NEW job.  Take the e-mails sent to you by your friends and print them out....and turn the print-outs into paper flowers, or doilies, or anything else silly you can thnk of.  Get these people OUT of your mind and OUT of your life.  (MY EX-brother-in-law is someone I've hated since I met him. The biggest mistake my sister ever did was marry him....the best thing she ever did was divorce him. He's a coward and a bully, and a verbal abuser...of EVERYONE.  (He once asked his OWN SON:  "If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?"  He told ME: "You're 6 years younger than I am, and I'll never forgive you for that!"  And that's just the top of the ice-berg!  I now am forced to live in the same city as he....but I contact him as litttle as possible. I M P O R T A N T.......HE ALSO BULLIED ME INTO GIVING HIM A HOLIDAY PRESENT LAST YEAR.  SO I GAVE HIM 'SECRETS OF THE MILLIONAIRE MIND', BY T.HARVE EKER.  IT IS A VERY SMALL BOOK....BUT IT HAS MADE EVEN HIM MORE THOUGHTFUL AND KIND.  NOT COMPLETELY...BUT THERE IS AN IMPROVEMENT.  THIS BOOK IS A SELF-IMPROVEMENT BOOK, CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A GET-RICH-QUICK BOOK!  MR. ECKER ALSO DISTILLED THE WISDOM IN HIS SMALL BOOK INTO A DECK OF CARDS!  'THE SECRET OF THE MILLIONAIRE MIND CARDS' ARE EASY TO READ AND 'DIGEST'.  I EVEN WROTE A REVIEW OF THESE CARDS ON AMAZON.COM, (UNDER THE NAME OF 'PATRICIA, A READER').  I'VE MET SOME OTHER PEOPLE, (ON THE NOW SADLY-GONE MSN GROUPS), SAY THE T. HARVE EKER BOOK AND CARDS HAVE CHANGED EVIL PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES!   IF YOUR EX- AND/OR YOUR FORMER FRIENDS KEEP UPSETTING YOU, BUY THEM COPIES OF THIS BOOK, OR SEND THEM ANONYMOUS LETTERS TO GET IT OUT OF THE LIBRARY.  IT HELPS A LOT!!!!!  : )

Good?! Gz