Is the essence of happiness to be ever elusive?

Happiness does not have to be elusive. It depends on one's life choices and decision-making. Happiness does not come by chance. If one decides to be a drug addict, then his life will surely be miserable. If on the other hand, one decides to stay away from drugs, then life will be more productive and be happier.

Happiness is within...it is God given.

To just make this point clear, I am happy at the moment. But, I <i>did</i> battle depression for 10 years out of the 20 I had lived back then and I know how it is to be rock bottom too.

To the main question at hand: I don't think you need to ignore reality in order to be happy (if this is what you meant by "elusive", it has a few definitions and people tend to differ in the exact usage of such words). I have noticed many (depressed) people will themselves into being philanthropists, caring about everyone and everything, no matter how petty, because they have been raised or otherwise conditioned into thinking that caring and empathy is a virtue - which, don't get me wrong, it is. The thing here is just that these people tend to martyrize themselves, subject themselves to so much depressing influence, taking to heart every misfortune in their environment, or outside it, like things happening to public persons of all sorts.

What one infact needs to learn is that while empathy is a virtue, it, like everything else can get out of hand and needs a balance. My path to mental recovery began when I learned to not care about giving this "super caring, empathetic" impression to people around me, but, that I could be a perfectly acceptable and good person even if I concentrated on myself and what made me feel well. You need to filter out what's not so necessary to get through into your personal space, and learn to balance and value things after their real worth. You can still be caring, empathetic, listen to your friends' problems, but the trick is to know how hard to take it. Of course, people differ and some just can't "take things lighter", for them it is crucial then to carefully see what they submit themselves to and learn to be more selfish, in a healthy way. I think that society is a bit to blame for this trend as well, as selfishness has an immediate negative tone to it, and selflessness is held up to a near saintlike status in a person's qualities. While selflessness is indeed a virtue, one needs to be on the lookout for martyrism, sacrificing yourself for everything, everywhere, anytime, and embrace the healthy selfishness, the love for yourself. Because honestly, in the end, you'll give much more happiness to people if you only learn first to give that to yourself.

Hi, Drabsv,

How are ya? 

In my opinion, happiness seems to be ever elusive.  However, if one studies the philosophies of the ancients, there are clues as to how one may experience happiness.  The reason it seems so elusive is that the method is very hard for most people to accomplish.

First, one must become "immune" to the environment around him/her.   (I believe this is a Stoic philosophy.)  No matter what happens, one must "ignore" such events by realizing they don't, can't and shouldn't affect how one "feels" about or reacts to the situation or the world.  This is not to say that one should not be concerned with one's troubles; only that one should make a plan to solve the problem and ask God to help with the answer, if it is personal, or gain the assistance of others, perhaps, if universal. 

Second, one must realize that most events are out of his/her control.  Therefore, there is no need to become enraged or disappointed. 

Third, one must read the Bible, study Jesus' teachings, and try to follow his example.  It is true that if one prays for help and leaves "things" in God's hands, genuine peace of mind is possible.  I've been practicing this since high school, when I couldn't fall asleep for worrying whether or not I knew material for the next day's test(s).  Once I asked God to help me remember all the answers, I could peacefully fall asleep.  (I was valedictorian of my graduating class, so I know it works.)

Fourth, one must learn to live "day-by-day."  The future will take care of itself. 

Fifth, one must make sure that he/she does everything possible to lead a "good" life,  One must consistently do his/her best in all situations, at home, at work, wherever; thus, there is no need for guilt or shame if one knows, even if others don't, that he/she  tried to do the best job possible.  Such an attitude will definitely lead to inner peace.  Ethics, loyalty, truth-telling and integrity are integral to this process.

I have read many books on philosophy, including the Bible, and their tenents have become homogenized in my head; therefore, it is difficult for me to point to any one or two philosophies ("Zen," perhaps, also?).  I know what to do, but, even so, I've only gotten half-way through the process, as the world continues to test my will and strength, and sometimes circumstances overwhelm me.  Yes, elusive to me, too.  The process may be a long one because habits of thought are hard to change.  A true "paradigm shift" is called for.

Thanks for your most thoughtful and useful question.  Hope my little tidbit helps.  Our thought processes are engrained in our brains, and much "practice" is required to change them.  One must start somewhere, though, and if my version of this "happiness" philosophy is true for all people, as I believe it is, I know first-hand how difficult such is to obtain.  But, one must realize the reasons for any unhappiness and learn not to let them affect the person's own inner contentment, and take one step at a time in fulfilling life's most difficult task.

There is a secret to the essence of happiness and it is not elusive. It is the day of ordinary things. To be aware in the moment of the sheer pleasure of cinnamon and apple or fresh coffee brewing. Of seeing the face of a beloved. Of sinking into a comfortable chair and reading a fine book. Of beginning a creative project. And never forget the icy sound of a martini being mixed and sipped. And often the joy of being with those whom you  love with music and with a sense of peace

"Morality is not properly the doctrine of how we make ourselves happy, but how we make ourselves worthy of happiness." - Immanuel Kant (1724-1804)