No happiness in her life

Hi,

   It's good to help a friend but it's advisable not to get involved in problems regarding marriage.  Advise her to see a marriage counselor.

Running away from her problem is not going to help her solve it  She needs to see a good sex counselor who can help her get over her fear of sex.  Once she gets over that fear, she will probably have enough confidence to talk to her husband and try to work things out with him. 

Christin ~

Is your friend able to see a counselor, either marrital or sexual?  Does she have money or does she have insurance?  I am sure that she is feeling quite overwhelmed at this point, but she needs to calm down in order for people to help her.  Where is she living, and what culture is she from?  Does she have access to money or is there anything she can sell to help her leave her situation?  Have you met the husband?  We need as much information as you can give in order to help her.

first let me tell you that the breaking of furniture is usually the beginning of the end.  he may become more violent, which worries me. also, her family may not know all the details of her problems, so they can't deal with them properly.  i suggest that she should search for a trained professional that can truly help her.  i know you want to, but i think that there are too many components in this equation, and you are to close to the fire. 

it is very noble of you to be their for your friend.what you got to reamber,is that she needs some one to talk to,and your,their..now have you tried to tell her to be the one to make the first,move!alot of times women who are scared to have the men makelove to them,it might be best for her to make that night,romantic..what it sounds like to me is that,she keeps giveing her husband mixed signals,and he proably is wondering what is wrong with me.does she love me.its not only her going through alot ,its the husband,but by the way being in a mental abusive relationship,is wrong on somany levels.reamber mental abuse is the silent killer....tell her it isnt worth it if it keeps happening,trust me i know..it will get physical. the question she needs to ask her self ,why she is hurting is it healthy for me to be in this marriage if ,he dont try or listen ...youcant make some one listen,they got to be ,interested in listening,if they love that person.but she is the one who decides to stay .basically all you can do is what you are already doing...

This could be real or she could be manipulating you. Why does she keep making the same mistakes with men. Is this guy abusive or is she damaged? If she is damaged then she needs to see a psych. No big deal but, if the paranoia is in her own head then moving to another country where laws to protect women are substantiallly reduced is not going to help her. Beware of someone taking advantage of your heart!! Dont get pulled into drama that may be manufactured. People will lie and manipulate you to get what they want out of the relationship when you are giving unconditionally. IM JUS SAYIN

Christin

You are treading on very dangerous ground when you involve yourself in someone else's marriage especially at that level. Even though she is a friend it's advisable for you to back away from it. If you feel you need to be there for your friend be a listening friend, not a advising or problem solving friend. She needs to be sitting down with her husband and communicating with him about this very personal issue as a first problem solving action. If he isn't open to discussing it with her she needs to seek out a marriage counselor. If he isn't willing to join her in seeing this counselor she needs to go alone. At the least this action may help her emotional state and give her some relief.

As you've stated this isn't a new problem. She had a bad experience with a previous marriage. This probably left her feeling insufficient and very insecure about her sexuality. I'm sure she is very emotional! What kind of relationship did she have pre-marriage with this current husband, or do you know? Did she have a sexual relationship with him? Did they discuss sex at any level before marriage in regard to their personal feelings and emotional feelings on the subject matter? Was her ex-husband her first sexual experience? I'm sure her current husband does feel rejected, leaving him feeling inadequate and unattractive as well as undesirable in his wifes eyes. Those feelings are very damaging for anyone to feel.

My guess is her religion is playing a big part in this entire situation that she is dealing with both emotionally and mentally, as well as her parents and family being accepting of her discussing this problem with them. Is that correct?  I doubt that she is too depressed to explain, if she came to you with the problem to begin with. Have you offered to help her find a counselor, maybe even go with her if she has to go alone? There again you need to remain a silent participant, especially there. However your being there physically may give some comfort and support.

I wonder if she meets the requirements that a immigrant seeking security would be required to meet? Don't know any thing about what those requirements might be. Have you contacted a ambasador to her country to find out? Or has she done that, or do you know? As you can clearly see the question you pose leaves a lot of unanswered questions that really do need answered before any thing else is done.

Good luck to you and your friend my heart goes out to you both in this very difficult situation.