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What happened to trust

I have been married for 30 years and last year discovered my husband had been text messaging his secretary  at all odd hours of the morning (1,  2 oclock ) and after work (7 thru 12 oclock) with phone bill bieng about 3 pages with all text messaging numbers being only between both their numbers.   He of course denied everything and stated they would text message each other as she was asking for advise on family  issues she was having at that time.  I confronted her at same time and of course she denied everything.  I truly believe deep in my heart that there was more than just texting between both of them but was never able to prove anything as all messages were deleted.  The funny part is only her messages were deleted but all others received from family and freinds were kept.  I was ready to give up on us but decided to work things and texting has stopped between both of them.  They no longer work together.  The only hard part is learning to trust again as I feel some part of me was lost when I discovered all this.


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7372 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi Leo,
Any good relations are based on 4 pillars: Trust + Respect + Openess + Communications.  Your husband destroyed one of those pillars and now the "house" of your relations is "not as steady as it used to be".  However, if you decided to bring your relations back to track than you MUST at the same time forget.....  It goes together: if you decided to forgive than you MUST automatically must forget (no other way !).  So, be strong and do it simultaneousely: Forgive and forget (what he probably did).  Above all, be on constant alert (no offence, please, but very often a cheater remains a cheater.....).   I appologise if I was a bit too direct.
Best regards,  


Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )
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Hi! leo:

For lots of us the donkey on the other-side of the fence always looks greener. So we go out and play the fool. And every wit of common sense flies out the window. There's no justification for what our genitals get us into, Note, "I said our genitals thinking that has replaced the common sense between our ears. But Gee!, Sometimes it's our shopping around, or climbing over that fence indicates that there is something missing within our own togetherness,sexually speaking. He or she may want more out of the relationship then they are getting, but due to the fear of Relational-Turn-Off, rejection, by either partner, Well, We just don't ask. Don't know about you, but a man's or a woman's whole body is for loving,and we often are afraid to ask that of the one we love or are closes to, but we have no problem asking it from somone else. Why? Because she or he is just someone to be use, in most cases. And if they won't come through, Well there is always someone else down the pike, road, who will be ready and willing to fill that unmet sexual desire that we crave and long for.  I know what he may be feeling in this Unfilled sexual department. I don't ask my wife to give head, oral-sex, but then I do enjoy my eating at the "Y", Doing her orally. But then sexually speaking, you can't always get from here to there, regardless of one's unfulfilled,sexual desires, that his or her significant other won' or can't give. There is a big different between a good lover and a great love, one will do the same Ho-hum sexual- pleasuring,and the other will see about an ongoing spicing-up of their sexual-togetherness. Which one of them are you?


Posted 3 months ago ( permalink )
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   " I have my Freedom , but I don't have much time " Wild Horses . The Stones                                                  Protect The Mustang .

                                       

                                                  

                                                              



 
                                                                                                             

A part of you is lost ,  you have lost trust in your husband .   Think we both know he lied  to you , if he had nothing to hide then why didn't he let you read the text messages.   People who have nothing to hide , hide nothing .  Just because they no longer work together doesn't mean they are not seeing one another .  He broke the bond of trust and he should be fixing it .  And step one would be him showing you he loves you and respects you by admitting to any inappropriate behavior with this woman .   Until then he's not sorry he's just sorry he got caught .  I'd have my eye on him 24/7 .


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