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Never given an orgasm soley by parter

I a 40 year old female. I have been with only a few men in my life and none of them has ever given me an orgasm with their own touch. I can achieve orgasm on my own manually or with a vibrator. My current relationship is about a year and a half long.I do believe he has tried everything within his power. I guess Im lucky cause he cares so much. He feels like he is failing me as a man. If I  don't have an orgasm he wont either. He wants it to be him that gives me the orgasm...no toys or even my own hand...Just him. I am feeling so much pressure to please him and have an orgasm the way he needs it to be done. I try so hard to achieve an orgasm with him. My body sometimes tenses up so much it shakes and my muscles are actually sore the next day. I mostly rely on a vibrator while we have intercourse and it works most/some of the time. This is not his preferred method but it works for me. Sex with him feels great and I always want it, just I dont always orgasm and thats ok with me....not with him. I feel like I am broken and a waste of his time. This is going to end our relationship one day if I dont learn to let him give me pleasure and orgasm. Please help us. Please help me.


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Best Answer

 
DB Lady
2663 answers
3405 thumbs up

Live simply, love generously and  care deeply.

 

I do think that Orgasm is highly over rated.  If one does not get it from a partner, the conclusion is she is not happy.  I think that this  measure of happiness is very very shallow and superficial.  If two people love and care for each other, I believe that it is not necessary and a great requirement to get an orgasm every time the couple make love, better than " have sex".   There are times that the other person had a stressful day, or a very bad day. I don't look at it that way.  The most important is that both are mutually caring, thoughtful, kind, considerate, faithful, loyal and giving.  If we look at orgasm as the ultimate measure of giving a partner happiness, then you are setting your partner for frustration and the feeling of worthlessness.

   If one does not get orgasms from a partner, some think that it is a good justification for cheating.  The human body is viewed like a machine, which is  always expected to  produce this so called orgasm.
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OronD
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Love is the battery of life....

Hi,
I read your notes carefully and I believe you do all you can (and even go an extra mile for him) so it is his problem and he is the one that has to "solve" it (or change his paradigmas) preferably by sexual counseling.  I don't think you can do more than you do. 
Best regards,

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Thank you OronD for answering my question. I have to add though, my partner tries his very best to get me to orgasm but it never works.We try oral sex but nothing.He touches me and nothing. I believe I may be more of the problem then he is. I dont believe it is soley his problem though. We have to work on this together. I dont know if his confidence can handle much more. I am always letting him down in this one area of our relationship.
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hi my name is mary i am 41 my boyfriend can never get me an orgasm, your lucky he cares mine just does not care..i fake it..he always orgasims....maybe i need some help here..when i masterbate i do orgasm..he just does not seem to care. only if he is pleased.

mary
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Hi Mary,

 I am sorry that your bf does not care if you are satisfied. I was married for 10 years and my ex didnt really care if I was satisfied. It was my problem not his. I had to learn to do for myself and incorporate that into our love making. There has to be a level of understanding and less pressure for both partners. I was under less pressure with my ex husband to have an orgasm and now I am under lots of pressure in my current relationship to have one everytime. My current partner feels that is what sex is all about, mutual satisfaction. I agree that would be ideal but I need to feel that if I dont have an orgasm, it's ok and we should just enjoy each other. Im ok with that and still want to have sex all the time, with or without an orgasm on my end. If I dont have an orgasm my partner will hold back and not have one either though. He feels its not fair to me. I appreciate that but man that is alot of pressure! I feel bad for him and even worse for myself that I am not the ideal partner when it comes to sex for him. What to do? We have talked about this on several occassions already and now we just stay quiet when sex has a less than desirable ending. 

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Many women have the same problem as you. Ordinary vaginal intercourse will not give orgasm for many women. If you can give yourself orgasm with your hand or with a vibrator, perhaps you can teach him to use his hand or a vibrator on you?

Read more about men giving women orgasm in Web4Health.

Posted 4 months ago ( permalink )