{Insert Catchy Phrase HERE}
I've known a girl for almost 13 years now, she's got 2 kids, both by different guys. She's recently realized that both of those guys are no good for her and seems to be interested in pursuing a relationship with me now. I've tried to get her to date me before, and she blew me off, but that was years ago. Now she calls me "honey" and "babe" and kisses my neck when I hug her before leaving her house. We cuddle, watch movies, but have never been intimate or kissed on the lips. We go places together, and she calls me almost everyday, just to see how I'm doing and whatnot. She seems serious this time about giving me a chance and has said that I'm the only guy that's ever treated her like more than a doormat.
You think she's serious, or am I getting used...again?
Be honest and be true to yourself.
Hi,
I agree with the first response. You need to ask yourself if you are ready to assume responsibility of those 2 children. If you'll get together with her, you're getting a package deal, instant family, you assume the responsibility of being father of the 2 kids. You need to establish a close bond with her because what you are going to undertake is a big challenge. A shaky relationship is not going to be successful. The kids will be confused in the process.
I have experienced being a stepmother before and it was tough. Not unless those kids are 3 years old and below. They will accept you as their dad. But teenagers are a big challenge. They usually create more problems in relationships.
Someone can be sweet if she knows you'll be the main provider for them. If she also works like you , then most probably she cares a lot for you. You need to evaluate the situation, see if she loves you for you or wants you only to be the breadwinner. Be very careful.
so she blew you off the first time? What did she do in the mean time? did she keep dating low lifes? Sounds like now that shes had her BAD BOY phase she realized those BAD BOYS arent going to be very good dads and youre well....still there...waiting. If you do decide to continue this relationship, will you be prepared to care for two children who arent even yours? Theres alot of questions you need to ask yourself. But..good luck :)
Love is the battery of life....
Hi,You received 2 excellent answers (gave them 2 thumbs up each). I have one additional question: Do you really want her that much or are you motivated by your ego ? (Once "she blew you off" and now she seems to give you a chance and it might "cure" your wounded ego)..... Only if the answer is "yes, I love her with all my heart, it has nothing to do with my wounded ego, and I am aware of all the possible consequences (kids)" - than go for it..... Best regards,
~ Snotternonsense BooNeathTreer ~
S.N.O.T.S., Inc.
Glyttch ~
It sounds like she is Daddy shopping. But, I have a feeling that those men, the fathers of her children, will always play a significant role in her life. Relationships, marriages are hard enough without all that baggage. She needs to prove that she actually loves YOU, not just your ability to provides for her, or your talent at raising her kids. I would move very slowly on this one. You may get involved with her, then she decides that her kids should be with their Dad, and BOOM . . . . the other guy will be back. Just take your time. You have waited for 13 years. You can wait a bit longer to be sure.
Hi Glyttch,
You have gotten 2 more excellent responses from my friend OronD and Skitch. Move very slowly on this lady. You look very nice and could find someone with less baggage easily, not unless you want to rescue a damsel in distress. if you were my younger brother, I would discourage you from being emotionally tangled with this woman, but it is your choice.
Thank you, everyone, for responding. I've read all your answers and you've basically told me what I was already thinking. We plan to move very slowly as she's just out of a bad relationship (with the second child's dad) and I'm just getting divorced. As I said, I've known her for 13 years, and I've adored both her kids from birth. I've wanted to be with her as long as I've known her and it just seemed to work out that when I was single she wasnt and vice versa, or one of us was just out of a horrible relationship and not ready for a new one. She seems to genuinely care for me, and honestly hates it when I offer to buy something she needs for herself or her kids (always has, and usually finds a way to pay me back so she doesnt feel guilty) so I'm disinclined to believe it's about my paycheck. I've accepted the fact that both her sons' fathers are going to be part of the equation, and the oldest boy's father and I get along pretty well (I've only met the other father once, but that went pleasantly, much to her surprise.) and as long as they don't mind me being there too, they're more than welcome. Again, I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond so quickly and will be much more likely to ask in the future if I have more questions!
I honestly think you are better off looking for someone who is w/o kids. It's obvious she is daddy shopping. and yes possibly using you.if she doesn't have a job then I call that a red flag and you really shld think abt it. You don't need to wonder is she's using me again cause if you are thinking that then it's really not worth the hassle. YOu don't need the stress. I guess that's what i'm trying to say. Always trust your instinct. It will never steer you wrong. If you don't feel that she's into you then she's not.
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