How do I go about being a best friend to my ex ...

How do I go about being a best friend to my ex-fiance? I am confused. He acts scared to even kiss me. His Mom told me to stop answering the phone all the time and make him chase me. He said that I pushed to get engaged (which yes I did) but then he proposed to me on his hands and knees. He told me that he wanted a close relationship with the lord and when sexual urges came across him he prays, and that he misses me very much. He told me to pray for Gods will, not mine. I have been praying for God's will but also to help me work it out with him. I love him with all my being, and he tells me the same. Is he just a better person than me? He said that he went 2 years without sex after his divorce. He looks worried and very sad now, and I noticed his face looks drawn. He said that he wants to do the chasing. Please help me with how to do this.


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2 thumbs up

Hi,

First, sorry if there's any spelling mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker...

I understand that your Ex wants to do the chasing. Also that he is divorced and he felt it might be too early to get engaged again...I think he feels a little "trapped"...I'm sorry to tell you this but it seems like he hasn't make up his mind yet about friendship (maybe he is still in love with you).I'm not sure whether or not you have feelings for him yourself and wants to keep him as a friend untill the right time.. I suggest you give him space and some time to think. Take care of yourself for a while...get a haircut, buy some new clothes (it's allways fun), do some sports...do stuff for you and give him the space he neds. Don't worry and let him decide what's best for him. I think you find it hurd to let go of the past. Make a fresh start and let him decide if he wants to come along...If he won't this means he shouldn't be your friend or your lover but you will come out of this stronger than ever.

Best of luck!

Ligil

 


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
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509 thumbs up

I think he is just as confused as you and is not sure how to handle this issue. This doesn't mean that he is a better person than you. I think to help him and you, you should do as he asks. Let him do the chasing and do it over a long period of time until you both feel more comfortable with each other. You want to make sure that your love for him is genuine as is his for you and you both are going through this because of loneliness.


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
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Live simply, love generously and  care deeply.

 

Hi,

     Your boyfriend does not seem ready for a close relationship again after your break-up.  I do think that being in a committed relationship is not just a decision of one person.  It should come voluntarily and wholeheartedly from the 2 people involved.  You seem to be the one doing the chasing,  I'm sorry to say.

   Give him time to decide what he needs to do.  If for some time he chooses not to include you in his plans, try to accept it because he is just saving you from heartaches in the future.  Your ex-boyfriend apparently does not act that he loves you.

   My advice:  Move on and find a loving and caring person who is ready for committment.

Take care.


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
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The less that you give you're a taker

You proceed from a false assumption. You cannot be best friends with an ex-fiance. That option expired along with the engagement. Your offer has been counter-offered with the "God's will" proposal, which is the ultimate cop-out for a person who doesn't know how to help you let go, or who has become overwhelmed by life's challenges. To that end, do not expect him to chase you down, or reply in kind to your continued invitations. God's greatest gift is free will, which is what he gave his Son for, why Jesus allowed himself to be crucified. Check out the theology on that one, and you'll see that your ex-fiance is using the scapegoat theory on you, which is the same way that early Roman Catholocism attempted to place the blame for our failures on God in order to build a following. Do you really want something like that chasing you? You can see how it's sucking the life out of him, and I suspect by what you say that you are beginning to feel it too. You don't need his permission to be his friend, but he is not at peace with himself now, and so will have none to offer you. Count youself lucky to have been able to love as you have and take it with you as you move on now.


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