I feel Trapped

Cheating is very wrong.......Your never going to find your answers doing that.......You have a husband and children with him......Those children deserve a good mom and dad........Forget that old friend........Work on that marriage for those children.........

Hi,
"The enemy of the good is the better"....  Your man is a OK as a dad and as a husband....  there is no reason to leave him for a bit more..... You probably are board and you like the excitement of meeting someone else.   It might be good fun for you for a while but do you think it will be the same if you live with him for good ?...... I wonder !.   Better stay with your man and concentrate of improving your relations.   I have the feeling (no offence please) that your sex life is poor or needs some improvement..... that's not a sufficient reason to leave a good husband (attend to it and you can improve it dramatically).  Not only for your sake but for the children as well.
Best regards,

I think you should wake up and act as an adult with responsibilities. You met this married man and started an affair while married to an OK husband and father. Do you think divorcing and hoping your new bf will divorce and then marrying him offers a happier life. You are both essentially cheating and once you cheat there is no guarantee you will do it again. Forget this affair and work on your marriage, you have a lot more going for you than running after a pipe dream.

Obviously there is more to the question than what I have said.  I have asked him to go to counseling and he just blows it off.  He has a VERY hot temper and I worry with him and the kids as they get older sometimes.  He does not help with ANYTHING.  I do the bills, take care of the kids, work full time, working on furthering my education, laundry, cook, clean, appointments you name it.  It can be overwhelming.  To top it off I think in our first year of marriage on a road trip with the guys he cheated on me while drunk.  PLUS can you fall out of love?  He has said and done hurtfull things that have changed how I feel.  AND yes you are right sex is not great but it is because of the hurt not that it is not good when we do have it.  UGH!  It is just a mess.  AND no I am not looking to hook up with the affair guy.....he has a family too.  I just feel like I am alone in raising my kids and everything!

I'm going to have the unpopular opinion on this website apparently--tell him that your marriage is in serious jeopardy.  Get real about what you expect from a husband and a father to your children.  It's OK to expect a quality relationship with love and passion.  It doesn't happen over night.  But, begin to clearly identify and express your needs.  My husband is really quiet and shrugs off therapy too.  But if I am clear about what I need, over time, he'll show that he was paying attention.  If your husband doesn't care about your needs, then he's not really caring about you.  If he's not caring about you, he's not loving you...actions speak louder than words.  And, if you are worried about his temper, seriously, begin to plan financial situations and connect with some people that you trust so that you know you could leave him if you need to.  You don't deserve to be miserable or feel like you're doing it all alone.

 On the positive side, try making a list of the things that you do well. If you met your husband today, why would you date him?  Or why would someone else?  Build on those strengths and encourage them as much as possible.