Sending the elderly parents to old folks home is ...

I strongly disagree. My husband and I are in the process of moving my parents into a nursing home. This was a choice that was taken on their part, our part, and other family members after numerous discussions. It was decided that the best care they can receive would be a nursing home that provided 24 hour service, and not living at home. We checked out numerous facilities, and found the one that was most suitable for them. I would feel guilty if something happened to one (or both) of my parents and they were living at home, and there was nobody there to help them if there was an emergency.

Generally, I agree with your statement.  It is unfilial.  The children should sacrifice for their parents when the parents are in need.  Personally, I gave up working and a social life in order to care for mine, rather than letting them go to any kind of facility.  I know other people who have made the same choice.

   Of course, there are special circumstances, like with Alzheimers disease and other medical conditions that a normal adult child without specialized training could deal with, that would override mine or anyone else's rational desire to keep the parents at home.  And undoubtedly there are people who were so bad at parenting that they didn't produce any offspring that cared enough to sacrifice for them in return for the parents sacrifices.  I know people who couldn't care less about their parents, and whose fault could that be?  Sometimes it takes a while, but everybody is their own punishment and their own reward.

I consider nursing homes to be a death sentence on the occupants.  I can't stand to be in them to visit someone, much less condemn someone else to live out their last days in one.  Even the best of them kill their patients with diseases like staph and pneumonia.  The staff is overworked and underpaid, and the living conditions are dirty and smelly.  It is okay if the person has a brain wasting disease and can't recognize their surroundings, but my folks are/were totally aware and I would never allow them to be in a place like that if I could possibly help it.  Other relatives, possibly, but my parents?  That is unthinkable to me.

We are sending them to a private nursing home. My father is 90 and my mother is 86. I want 24 hour 7 day care for them. They deserve it. Only the best after what they did for us , that's the least we can do for them.

I think that though the children may still feel the love for their parents, what about their parents? Do you think that they would have thought that they would end up in an old folks' home? Think about it. When you are old, would you like to be in an old folks' home? People are so busy nowadays, they have absolutely no time to spare a thought for others. They only think about themselves. No offence to anyone, but think twice before putting your parent in an old folks' home.

Now I agree with Rochester, I admitted my father to a private Nursing Home with Hospice care.  My father has terminal cancer, his prostrate cancer has spread to his bones and now it is slowly spreading to his liver, according to the doctors .  His liver function tests are now elevated which shows more problem with it.  I took care of father at home for a few days.  He is not able to stand anymore.  He can't even turn himself to the sides. He is in a lot of pain, now incontinent of urine and stool.  I got him to the hospital for 2 days for vomiting almost all day, so he had dehydration.

    While at home, the care was very tedious, not that I am complaining.  I am used to care for people.  The fact that he is bedridden was very difficult for me.  It was always a struggle to get him up to the bedside commode.  He is a dead weight.  He is about 140 lbs. but I'm only 118 lbs.  It was not easy getting him up.  Then showering him was a struggle too.  He could not lift up his legs in the bath tub.

    The 2 doctors at the hospital decided he is qualified for hospice care and the Nursing Home with Rehab is the best place for him because there are caregivers round the clock who could help and lift him up as needed.  I work 7pm to 7 am 4 nights a week and I was worried to leave my dad at home with a caregiver who might not able to manage his care.  And the caregiver might call in sick while I'm scheduled to work.  That would be a mess. 

    My father loves it there, although at first he was against it.  He observed that the Nurses and caregivers are very helpful and compassionate and I was very pleased also with their service.  Now he wants to associate with the rest of the elderly there to play bingo.  My dad never had time to play bingo before.  He raised 7 children and did not have time for that.  He's 84 years old.  They have other activities in that place and he seems to adopt.  His mind is still clear and lucid.  The only problem is his body is falling apart.  I hope there will be a miracle and he will get cured.  But being an RN I have observed that at this stage in the disease, I have not seen a miracle yet.  I just have to enjoy my father.  After doing 12 hour  night shift , I visit him and stay 2 hours so he will not feel lonely.  That's the best thing I could do.  I could not afford to stay home and care for him.  So after all, the Nursing Home is not really a bad place, depending on what kind of care they have.  My dad just got lucky to be in a very clean place, with all the compassionate caregivers.

    I don't feel guilty placing him there.  I see that he is happier and his care needs are being met.  I will have to meet the Hospice Nurse tomorrow.  I don't like the word Hospice especially that it is about my dad.  This hurts a lot.  But I can't do anything except to accept this reality that sooner or later everyone of us will be facing death.