i did not understand a word of what you said... but the whole screw up family is not the issue... the issue is that you're actually admitting ONLINE that you're suicidal..
there is nothing wrong with being depressed (we all need it at times) and there is nothing wrong with thinking about death...
i understand how hopeless you feel, how sad you are and i understand your carnal desire to get over with it...the problem is not related to your family in any way... the problem is the confrontation of you and you... but its not the solution... take 3 minutes.. and only 3 minutes to ask yourself these questions:
1- if i die, will my family no longer be screwed?
2- if i die will i still live the moment?
3- what in hell will i win if i die early?! we're all going to die... whats the hurry for?
4- is it worth it? giving my life to stuff/people/situations etc that will forget me sooner or later...?
5- what if i fail to kill myself?
now choose..