Where to send 18 year old when they are bad and ...

You can give your child a choice, to work and to be responsible, or you will be forced to stop supporting him/her, and then he/she will have no choice but to support him/herself. 

Dear Margaret,

I understand that we as mother wants to protect, love, care for our children, I think there is a limit that we need to aknowledge. Having a serious conversation with your son and making him understand your point. If this doesn't work then you need to tell him that you cannot support him anymore.  He is an adult and need to provide himself with a job and responsability...

He will than have respect for you when he accomplishs his goal in life and will come back to you for advise.

Take care

Marie

Ok you said you were sick.  What happens if you die.  Who will take care of him then?  You can either teach him to do nothing or teach him to do something.  A terrible parent allows their child to no plan for the future.  I wanted my child to learn while I could teach them.  Most people said I was hard.  I have to college grads with great jobs.  I offer hands up not hands out.  You should try it I bet they will survive.

Dear Margaret, I have both a 23 year old son and an 18 year old daughter.  My son has pretty much kept a job since he was 16, but my daughter? I have told her since she was old enough to work, which is 15 in my state that I would support her as long as she is in school, that includes college as well. That had another benefit, that hopefully college would be in her future!...ah, haaa! She could work as much as she wants or doesn't want, reap the benefits and I would let her keep her paycheck to do with as she pleases, keep a roof over her head, pay the water bill for her showers and laundry, phone, cable, rides to her job, ETC... But stay in school.  If she decides not to further her education?  as I did with my 23 year old, charged him $80 per week to pay for room and board, I told him that the taxi service is over unless he payed for gas, if the pissin' and moaning started? there's always a real taxi, I believe that it costs about $3 just to sit in the cab plus mileage. The laundrymat is down the street, I did it while raising him, ALONE! I would put the bag of laundry in the baby carriage right behing him...And as an adult, you are not entitled to buy him 4 course meals anymore, Mac-n-cheese is cheap, bread for toast with an egg makes a great breakfast, and generic spaghetti "store brand" and hunts spaghetti sauce which is about $1 a can, It goes a looong way, It is plenty enough to keep him alive.  And If you have a smaller room for a bedroom for him? give it to him, let him know that the room that he has could be rented out for about $125.00 a week and with nothing included.  Offer him nothing extra! NO RIDES, NO EXPENSIVE CLOTHING, NO USING YOUR ELECTRICITY, IE: IF HE HAS TELEVISION IN HIS ROOM WITH CABLE!  Enabling him could be the worst thing you could do. I lost my mother due to cancer when I was 20, I was a lost soul raising my 1 year old by myself, "BUT I HAD TO DO WHAT I HAD TO DO" your child will lose the chip on his shoulder in due time but enabling him will only make the process longer!  Just ask my Aunt who is raising my 40 year old alcoholic son, "my cousin" never married and as far as I know, only had 1 girlfriend who kicked him to the curb. He has a crappy job that pays enough to keep him supplied with booze. My aunt is 80 years old now, and when I speak with her, she tells me how great it is to have him there and wouldn't know what she would do without him....hahahaha...20 years ago she was bitching that he wouldn't get a job, now she owns him until her death.  I hope that the house that he took the air out of to breathe is sold and split with his sister and brother but knowing my Aunt, she will give it to my cousin to die in as well, the way he drinks?  both my Aunt and Cousin will go at the same time. Frankly, my Aunt is in better shape than he is.       Well, the moral of the story is, unless you want adjoining grave plots? Set some ground rules and give him ultimatums and "FOLLOW THOUGH"  If you don't follow through with your ultimatums and/or threats? They won't believe you, I've been through it, I know! And not only do I know it, I did it to my own mother,...RIP  I thought she'd be around forever and help me raise my child...SURPRISE!?!?  I grew up pretty quick then, after my sister , "THE LANDLORD" booted me out before my mom passed, thinking she was going to own me after she died. I hated her for that but now I understand why she did it...   Give your child an "ULTIMATUM" and save him from himself 

OMG.... the hand outs get so rediculous!!  My "Husband" is 31 years old, with a Wife (me) and Child, STILL mooching off his parents! Gimmy this gimmy that, take take take! It's pathetic! He has no shame or conscience about it either! The Man can go for months without working and know his dumb-ass Daddy will pay his bills if he whines and bullies enough about it!  I cannot believe my husbands parents will ever say, NO!

So consequently I am losing all respect for my husband.. fast, This has been going on for 4 long years. When I finally save myself from this humiliating situation, I honestly can't imagine anyone else being stupid enough to ever marry this man. Not as long as he has the dear old Mom and Dad BANK available!

AHHH! With all do respect Mom, Please don't let another man like that loose into our lives!  You have to give your Son a 60 day notice to get out on his own, 2 Months!  And stick to it!  (he can find roomates to split the bills with if he has to).  I swear, it's now or NEVER.

Margaret, I feel for you!  But, you really need to show some tough love and give him the ultimatums as stated in the above answers.  If you don't, you will be like my mother who is supporting my 53 and 45 year old brothers and my 48 year old sister.  My mother has always bailed them out of money and legal situations and now she is reaping what she is sowing.  She HAS to support them now as they are unable to survive on their own. She is too elderly and too much in poor health to get a job to support them, so she is using her social security check and what little dwindling resources she has left to keep a roof over their heads.  The sad part of it is that once there is only the social security check left, she will be living in the same poverty that they are.  I would say that I will be there to help her, but since I won't support my siblings, she will refuse my help.

You are not doing your son any favors by enabling him to continue doing what he is doing!

God Bless You!