If he doesn't want to go to counselling w/his mother & family, why would his mother listen to all that negative crap?  Walk away from him when he gets too negative.  Let him talk to someone else about it.  When he's not blaming, that's the time to interact with him.  Just let him know that he can work on the problem with you to make your relationship stronger any time he chooses to.  Just no reason to be a doormat for him to vent his frustrations on.