Should I end my relationship in order regain my independence and feelings of self-worth? I'm a 23 year old woman currency in relationship with my boyfriend ( now fiancee) for 4 1/2 almost 5 years now. At first it was a long distance relationship. Me being based in the US and him being in another country. After a year of so of courtship ( i.e. travelling back and forth to see each other, living together at one point and attempting to take our relationship foreward), we both decided that it would be easier for us to be together if I moved with him back to his country ( he already had a well-paying career that could support us both until I made the transition).
So at 19 I left everything ( friends, my job, school...etc) and started a completely new life. The journey in itself has been a great learning experience. But now to recient events, I'm not too sure if staying in this relationship is the best thing for me right now. I've completely lost myself. Our relationship, like any other has gone through it's up and down periods. He's been supportive both emotionally and financially..so there isn't really a problem there.
But....
He has his family, friends, social-network, support system,career...etc... while I have nothing. I had hoped that after 4 years living here, I would have developed a life here for myself....or at least had made a connection with someone or something. But I feel like a complete outsider...and at most times disconnected from everything. Being in a new country with a completely new culture/language etc hasn't made it easier.
At family functions, I feel disconnected completely due to the fact that I feel as though I can't be myself ( in order to please the in-laws...and in my own pisciean weird way of being passive and wanting people to feel comfortable and like me). I've tried making friends...but they're more or less like aquantiences. I even started attending a university in the city....in hopes of starting a career (and as a plan B if the relationship were to end and I were to move back to the States....a job without a degree is hopeless), but wound up quiting after two years to work instead due to stress/depression bouts and wanting to contribute to my relationship financially.
I find myself more and more thinking about the life I had before I moved here. It wasn't always peachy ( non-existant relationship with parents, poor-student lifestyle), but I was happy. Now I'm questioning myself if I'd made the right choice. I should have thought about it beforehand....that both parties-, before getting into a serious relationship have to each have his/her own intrests/life/whatever before deciding to share it with someone else. What's the point of giving your all into a relationship if you barely have anything for yourself?
Any advice would be gladly appreciated.
