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Asked about “Love & Sex on AOL Coaches

I don' have cooties

I have only been married one year and have gone from having sex 10+ per week to 3 x's in 3 months. I never ever thought I would be jelous of a cat, but my husband actually talks, cuddles, carresses with the cat more than me. I guess I should not even complain because he has never made love to me, he only fu@ks me. I have told him I do not like certain things and at first he replied, i know you do not like it but he did it anyway. then when i insisted he did stop, but now he never touches me. When I asked why he almost never kisses me he replied, I smoke and you don't. Help?


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He must not know how to love, or he would try to work with you, and make it more enjoyable for you both. maybe he needs a councilor, or you both do.  Go check out a sex therapist.


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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The first year of marriage can be difficult in learning how to communicate with each other with understanding and love. It sounds as if you both need to review this problem with a marriage counselor. Your husband must learn how to accept no for an answer and not take it as rejection but as a preference that you express. You probably have to learn how to say no in a positive way. You both need to learn how to openly communicate with each other and to never cut thew bridges between you. 


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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7306 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi,


Oh no.... it's not a sex problem but a problem in your relations.  Something went wrong !.  The simptoms are clear: From 10+ times a week to ~ 3 a month...... more attention to the cat than 2U....  You feel it's not a real love but more like an act.... His reation to what you prefer.... etc..... all in all I feel a degradation in your relations.... I have the feeling that you won't be able to solve it by yourselves (as the communication between you is poor) so the best thing to do is go to a marriage counselor.....  The real problem is not sex ! (in fact it was good just a year ago).
Best regards,

Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
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Girlfriend, do not worry.  You have to become a creature Unlike any other.  You have to learn the Rules now.  It's stupid, it's dumb, it even seems manipulative, but the Rules work so well, even the cat will love YOU more. 

I know you need the Rules, because you are already defensive- nobody thinks you have cooties, but you are already thinking something MUST be wrong with you.  You could go into a downward spiral from here, fall into depression, maybe evn get clingy! (the worst feeling on the planet is to act clingy to a man who is walking away saying "get off me") so pull yourself together, get to the bookstore and start on a personal enrichment program that will change your life ( and love life) forever- you are going to adjust the way you feel about yourself, your focus will change, and he will be beggng you for sex, not the other way around.  It's not expensive either. 

The catch is that you have to learn how to look at the long run.  Just like keeping fit and staying healthy; when you look at the long run, you know what is best, and when you have to go without five cookies with coffee at 10am, and the little indulgences, like saying hello first, will seem just like  a sickening donut-- you won't even want it anymore.

 The book is called The Rules, but there is another one called, The Rules for Marriage,  and one called  All the Rules, whichi I think has all in one cover.  Another great book is  Passionate Marriage which talks about how to hold your own personality separate, not melted into the relationship. Once you learn to do this, there is sometimes a missing of not being, but just live- life is great!! you will love it again, but not while melted to anyone.  just start reading

 


Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )
asaraink was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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The first year is typically the most trying. Communication is the answer. And brushing your teeth

often, mints and etc., will help. You also need to be more open to trying different things with him. Believe me, you'll be happy you did. Making love is of the utmost importance! F**king, is great too! You need both. There's a lot of give and take that has to happen for it to be satisfying for both of you.

Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
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