I am 20 and in a 3 yr old relation with a boy who ...

He certainly is not showing you any gratitude for the three years you provided him with your favors. He is telling you that he wants to be free but wants you to make the second move since he is making the first. At 20 years of age you will have the opportunity to meet other more appreciative young men who are not out to use you. Take the hint; give him his walking papers and shut the door after him. Get on with your life.

Hon, what you describe is not love. It's addiction.

If you have never read it, pick up a copy of the book 'Nine and 1/2 Weeks'. Read it - all the way through - and then, think about what you are experiencing with your so-called boyfriend.

Then thank God that you are not the author of that book, gather every bit of fortitude you have, and boot this man out of your life - permanently.

You are 20 years of age. The two of you met when you were 17 and he was 20. A lifetime of experiences have happened to each of you since then.

It's time for you to move on so you can become the person you're meant to be.

Hi Zennie,
You are not going to like my answer (I'll accept thumb down).  You are 20 years but you are not matured:  Do you really think that if you had sex with him it will make him to love you and stay with you forever ?.  Do you really want to stay with that man who treats you as bad as that ?   Please, wake up from your dreams.  That man is not for you.  "Actions speak louder than words" - he doesn't love you, doesn't respect you, treats you badly, and doesn't care about you.  Move on, close the door tightly behind you, and concentrate on finding a man that you deserve (that will truly love you, respect you and treat you the way you deserve).   Sorry for being a bit too direct and blunt.
Best regards,

The answer to your question is in your question.  The key word is boy.  A 23-year-old male should be a man.  You are right. His actions and way of thinking is that of a boy.  At the same time, you are beginning to think of yourself as a woman.  A woman should not be with a boy.  What the two of you had was a romance when you were both children.  That time has past.  It is time to move on.  Add this episode in your life to the other memories of things you loved and did as a child but no longer enjoy and do because your interests and taste has changed as an adult.  This love affair, like those other things, will always be special to you.  They are just not part of your current life.

The times you spend with each other should be nurtured and cherished,for your baby,which will be conceived in a short time!You are to have in depth discussions on your mattress and everything will be squared away and straightened into a mutual understanding and love AND also trust! You have been trying to discuss things with your boyfriend,but,not where he prefers to talk!SERIOUSLY!The bed is not only for sex and sleep,it is a good place to discuss things with your partner,instead of at a work table!  Love JimDaddy

i know exactly how you feel.  i love my man too and he treats me like shit and has a wall up to conversation as well.  the feeling of rejection is like a hole in your heart.   i think you should leave him or pretend not to care either.work on yourself. make yourself attractive to other people,maybe he will see what he has b 4 its gone.  reverse that shit on him! if he dont make the move to you then you know he is already gone.right?  good luck

He sounds like an abusive male--IT WILL GET WORSE!! He hurts you now? Imagine how good he'll be at hurting you if you stay with him!!!

zennie,

Relationships are supposed to be two-way streets.  A healthy relationship should enrich your life adding happiness, not sadness and despair.  If you are depressed, see a physician.  You might need an anti-depressant medication to help get through this.  By getting the right help, you will be able to take better care of yourself and make some decisions about your future that will improve your life.

Youthful love is...acceptance, security and physical satisfaction.

Mature love is...a shared vision, common goals and interests, respect, companionship, honesty, trust, faith, and needing to spend more time with the person that makes you feel complete in every imaginable way.  It is a meeting of the heart (or body), mind, and spirit (or soul).

I hope this helps point you in the right direction and you seek help soon.

God Bless,

~ nmpb ~