My partner and I have been together for nearly 3 years. We have an 18 month old son together. He has a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship, whom we have 50/50 (one week on, one week off).
When we first got together, he stated he was divorced. He was actually only separated, which I found out 2 months into my pregnancy. His reason for not telling me was that he doesn't see a difference as they have been separated for 4 years (at the time) and therefore are divorced in his eyes.
We went through many issues throughout our relationship and I left him in January of this year. I moved back in in August after 4 months of intensive counselling and affirmations from him that he would cut back on his friendship with his ex wife (they surpass the "normal" ex relationship by maintaining a friendship out side the parameters of their daughter). I am highly uncomfortable with the nature of their relationship as it impacts our family life on a consistent basis. In addition he had promised to finalize the divorce so that we could get married (we also want another child, but I am adamant that we be married first).
Today we got in a big arguement as he has not completed these tasks. The divorce is still not finalized (it's the end of October) and he is still friendly with her in a manner that makes me uncomfortable. I want a positive relationship between them for the sake of his daughter, but the friendship stretches the limits.
Right now I am very unhappy. I do not know what the appropriate action to take is. Do I leave him as he is not doing the things he said he would or following through on things and I feel miserable all the time? Or do I stick it out as leaving would be damaging to the children?
He's a good father, but our relationship is faltering. Even with counselling, he refused to do what the counsellor suggested because he didn't agree with it. I am at a loss.
I DO love him, but I am not willing to be a doormat and play second fiddle to another woman for the rest of my life. I want a partner whose loyalites lie with me and our family (which includes his daughter).
Advice is appreciated. Thank you everyone.
