How do I deal with my boyfriend's obsessed ex-girlfriend? on Yedda

How do I deal with my boyfriend's obsessed ex-girlfriend?

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. I'm 23, he's 28. We recently moved in together and are trying to live our lives in peace. The problem is his ex girlfriend (27) who still after all this time is trying to constantly cause problems for us. They dated for 4 1/2 years and have mutual friends which made things awkward at the beginning. But his friends all knew that he was not happy with her for a long time before he left her, so they have always been nice to me regardless of her . Its their gf's or wives that have been a problem b/c his ex made sure to spread lies to them so they would dislike me, and constantly try to get info from them about him and I. Over the months this has gotten worse, to the point where he cannot go hangout with his friends without her finding out and showing up to start crap. I have really tried not to let this get to me. I know he loves me and we want to be together. He has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with her. I have no problem standing up to her. He on the other hand has never been good in confrontations. If we bump in to her (her stalking us) its obvious he gets pissed and if she tries to talk to him he blows her off. But, he has never stood up to her in front of everyone. I personally think thats the main problem. What can I do to make this situation better? I don't feel like I should have to be the one to deal with her. Am I wrong? I just don't know if I can deal with this high school crap anymore. Please help!!!

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love2loveu22

165 answers

296 thumbs up

Life is lessons in love. No regrets.

Your boyfriend needs to confront this problem head-on as it is not fair to leave it on you. He needs to call her out on her behavior the next time she shows up at a place you two are out at and tell her that her behavior must stop. In the most polite and forward way possible, he needs to make it very clear that he wants nothing to do with her. She is no more a part of his life and he needs to make that very clear that he has moved on. As for his friends, he needs to tell them that if they cannot keep their mouths shut about what you and he are up to, then he cannot hang out with them anymore, as their behavior is enabling his ex to harrass and cause you both to be extremely angry. If this does not work, I would suggest to your boyfriend to find new friends, and at the extreme, to file a restraining order against his ex.

Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )

In reply to klight29's question

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OronD

4883 answers

7282 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi,

You are absolutely right. You (both) should do the following:
1.  Discuss that matter with him.
     Tell him how much it disturbs
     you (and him).
2.  At the end you should reach a
     decission: We (both) are
     declearing a fight back !.
3. Don't force him to confront her
     (he won't be able doing it).
4. But he MUST give a clear
    statement (to his friends and to
     his ex) that his relations with his
    ex are over (and it's final !) and
     now he loves you and you are
     the only one in his life.
5. He MUST demand his friends ( +
     wives) not to give his ex any
    information about you (two).
6. You (both) should make new
     friends as well. Slowly slowly
     you'll spend less time with your
     old friends.
With real love and understanding, between the two of you, you'll overcome any problem you face.
Best regards,

Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )

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eersteeler

14 answers

27 thumbs up

Never Quit! Never Give Up!

hey klight29, i kind of know what you are going through because I had to deal with my wife's ex bf before we got married. after she took him to court and i threatened him and threatened him again and again, I finally caught him in the road at my house and corrected his thought process with a crescent wrench. she hasn't mentioned him since. you have to confront your man and inform him that if he wants to show he really wants to have a life with you then he needs to be a man and tell her it's over. he needs to inform her that stalking is now a federal crime and punishable by prison sentence. as for you, if he can't do this to save your stress level, is he really man enough for you to trust for the rest of your life?

Posted 9 months ago ( permalink )

In reply to klight29's question

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