First, no one can say if you're an alcoholic except you yourself. However, as we say in AA, if you think you have a drinking problem, you probably do have a drinking problem. You might attend a few AA meetings (they have them everywhere); you can remain completely anonymous (hence the name); no one you know will know you're there (unless they also are members/visitors). No one will say anything; we are the friendliest people you will ever meet, and will become your friend, if you want it. (Of course, there are some groups who are insular, or composed of nasty or unfriendly people; those you can avoid; just try a different meeting until you find one you like. They all have different flavors/personalities. You can decide about your "problem" by yourself. No one will blame you or try to coerce you; they'll just say "Keep coming back." (It's free, too; donations are accepted--we pass the basket for expenses; no obligation.)
Secondly, tapering off or down rarely, if ever, works. People who try invariably wind up where they were before, if not worse. However, there have been people who "did it on their own". After all, the AA movement started in 1935, and there weren't any rehab/treatment facilities then. The biggest fear is going into withdrawal (DT's). These usually occur after about 3-4 days after abrupt cessation, so don't try "cold turkey". Tapering off is an option, but, like I said, doesn't really work without some outside support (like AA). If you want to try, though, I'd suggest cutting down a very little at a time. For example, take your usual consumption level, then decrease it every 4-5 days by about 100 cc. (I know that seems slow, but it's the safest way without medical supervision.) Staying on that schedule is going to be difficult, however, unless you have a great will power. (Under medical supervision, i.e. rehab or with the help of an addictionologist, you can get off it in about a week with the help of tranquilizers [e.g. Valium].
I doubt that you'll be able to "cut down", though. People who try, and apparently succeed, almost invariably go back to their old ways. They are told by "friends", "Well, just one can't hurt you." It's the first drink that gets you drunk. It sets off a physical craving, and soon you're back where you started.
Previous commitments are the number one excuse that people use to avoid rehab. No matter what they are, for the sake of your health, if not your family, you need to get off it. Completely. Employers are almost always understanding if you are honest with them. Most even have pre-arranged facilities that take their employees without question; some even pay for it, and a few will continue to pay you your salary. At least you'd get a complete physical to see exactly how much damage you've done to your body. And, I guarantee, you have.
Most people think that without drink, they'll never have any fun anymore. They think that they'll become isolated and bored. They think that their life is over. Trust me, nothing could be further from the truth. We are not a glum lot. (That's from the Big Book; our "Bible")
I'm sorry if this diatribe is too long and/or preachy, and you got bored halfway through. I did it as much, if not more, for myself than for you. (It's what we call 12th step work.) And, I wish you the best of luck in whatever you try to do.
By the way, you'll have to search hard to find a place to spend all the money you'll save. But, you'll feel much healthier, and have more energy, to spend it.
All the best,
Dave E.
Clean and sober 4+ years
