My husband and I have been married 30 years ...

You're not crazy!  He messed up! I personally think it may be a mid life crisis thing.  Maybe he needed to see if he was "wanted" by someone other then the one he's been with for 30 years. Some sort of validation that he is still appealing to the opposite sex. He probably does truly love you...he just screwed up...big!  No marriage is perfect, no matter what they say.  I'm sure all of us are lacking something in our marriages.  I've been married for 20 years, so I have a little experience here. I suggest you go to counseling.  If not both of you, then just you. You love him, so it is worth saving.  Good luck to you.  My heart is with you.

Hi Debra,
I felt very sorry reading your notes.  Sure you don't "deserve" it (as everything is OK (and seems to be even better than just OK).  There are several possible reasons to his unfaithful behavior:
1.  No offence, please, but 
     she is 27 and you must
     be in your 50's I believe...
     and a young body of 27
     is more attractive (sorry).
2.  He might be flattered that
     a 27 years old woman is
     attracted to him.
3.  He needs the excitement,
     the thrill of "hidden /
     forbidden" affair. 
4.  He fell in love with her. 
5.  He likes being with her. 
6.  It returns him to his
     youth (makes him feel
     young again).  
7.  No offence, please, but it 
     can be that the way you
     describe your realtions
     (and sex) is not the way
     he see it (sorry). 
8.  And the most possible 
     reason is the well known 
     "Middle age crisis". 
My best advice: Get a marriage counseling.  Find a good, experienced sensetive marriage counselor.  If you got along well for 30 years I am sure you'll overcome that case with a good counseling and your life after it will be even better. 
Debra, I appologize for being too direct. I know my words could hurt you.  I truely did't mean it.  I only ment to give you a true analysis / picture. 
Best regards,

Hi Debra,

   OronD said it all. I wish I could give him more than 2 thumbs up.  I am very sorry that it hurt you so much being married that long to your husband.  That must be very disappointing to know that your husband has cheated.

   You said that you are more attractive than the other woman.  Have it ever occurred to you that the other woman was the one pursuing him? flirting with him?  And being human  he could not resist the temptation.  You love him so much and he apologized for it.  Do you think you can forgive him and try to forget the incident and just look at all the nice times you had together, all the things that he did to show you he cared and loved you, the way both of you worked toward common goals, the way you went through life through thick and thin.

    If he promised you that he won't do it again, will you really forgive him?  Can you just look at him now like a little child who fell and you are there to pick him up.  Give him a chance to prove to you that he is sincere about this.

   If after all you have done these, then maybe he really wants to be with the other woman. 

   I know, if it was me being cheated by a husband that I really love, it would be difficult too.  Those are the things that I would do if I was in your shoes.

   So take care,  I really feel for your anguish.  I wish I had more ideas to tell you but I think that's the practical thing to do.