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A confused woman

Ive had the same "boyfriend" for 6 years. I met him while i was pregnant with my daughter. He was at the hopistal when she was born and helped me name her. He has been her father since day one.We have a son togethier also. My children's father has constantly cheated on me. At first it was just him sleeping with other women and i overlooked that because he took very good care of me and my children.And I love him. The last encounter he had was different though.He moved out of our home to live with this woman. He never stopped taking care of my household, me , or our children. Him and this lady were becoming serious, I think he was in love with her. Recently he found out that she may be cheating on him. He now wants to come back home and "get married".I love this man but i dont trust him. Im scared that he'll forgive this woman and leave me again. Even though he says that he wont.Do I give the man who has provided me with almost everything(material wise) another chance? Or do I just walk away?

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5410 thumbs up

Love is the battery of life....

Hi,


The easiest solution is to go away.  Better try to create "normal" marritial life with him.  Discuss it (openly and deeply) with him, prepare exactly what and how you are going to say, and tell him exactly what you feel and want.  Tell him you and the children love him and emphasize that you appreciate his constant care to you and the children then tell him that you (both) have to live in trust and the way he behaved "ruined" that trust..... but you are willing to go a an extra mile and delete the past and start from the begining provided that he can promise you that from now on that cheating will stop forever.  Even ask him how can he guarantee it ?  Only if you (both) can reach a mutual understandung / agreement go for it. 
I wish you the best of luck,

Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
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373 thumbs up

I would so much want to hear his side of the story because this is such an unusual story. His concern and care for you and the children during his infidelity are signs of a man who is willing to accept responsibility and that is to his credit. I think you can accept his offer of reform but you should insist that he undergo some type of therapy to enable him to assume the role of a faithful mate. 


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
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90 thumbs up

Very strange. I wouldn't trust such a man and this situation is so peculiar that I don't know how you can reach a solution. If you decide to trust him you have to be prepared for the chance of disappointment. He doesn't sound too stable and you'll never know where it might hit you.

Think carefully if this is the type of life you want. On the other hand it may turn out to be OK but this possibility seems less likely to me.


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
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78 thumbs up

I find it hard to believe , how you agreed staying with him all this time. If he provided your needs material wise and you overlooked his actions it looks like his love towards you doesn't really matter. I think if you are worried about the future you should talk it openly with him like advised before , I would suggest adding a perpetual agreement maybe this would make you feel more confident. It sounds horrible but maybe this will get him to stay after you will re-marry.


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
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zulul was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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84 thumbs up

I think there is something unhealthy with this situation. It's your decision to make but reading the things you wrote, I don't see why you should expect things to be different from now on. Don't settle for mediocrity.


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
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GoodKarma was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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