Improving Yedda: http://yedda.com/questions/Improving_Yedda_1869149124114
When discussing something (in live) with other people I tend to:
- ask a lot of clarification questions in order to better understand what they have in mind;
- try out a lot of different arguments (for the sheer purpose to look at the many various facets of the issue);
- prompt them that what I mean is not "this and this" as they think but something else (I happen to be propmting the same clarification several times, not for the purpose on insisting that my point is wrong but for insisting on them to not get me wrong);
-never leave a point of an issue vague and unclarified by bringing it to discussion over and over again, despite them attempts of the other side to move on to the next one.
All this seems to be boring and exhausting for other people. They often tell me that they do not want to "argue" with me any more and they feel irritated.
But what I am trying to do is not to argue but simply have as specific and clear debate on an issue as possible. Instead people think I am stubborn at convincing them that I am right. Which is not the case - all that I am seeking is exploring in depth all arguments.
How can I have fruitful communication with people without leaving the wrong impression that I am trying to argue with them?
It is what it is:)
Sometimes its not just what we say... its the way we say it... I enjoy much clarity and very specific detail also... much like you describe... and some ppl just turn off bc they are vague or bothered to actually hear or see things out properly... so I will give you some of my personal tips that work for me...
If I am trying to let someone in on my perception of a possible down side I may start the sentance with... "Let me play devils advocate here" or I may say "That sound really great :)) But have you thought about ABC happening?" Or "Well just for arguments sake..." then I normally end with a very simple... " It was just a thought"... plant the seed...
Sometimes you need to keep a close eye on body lang of the person you are talking to... or a tone in their voice... if they sound or act annoyed... it's time to drop it... they have tuned you out and there is no reason to continue the convo...
If you find yourself in a battle... and it feels like tug of war... smile and state... well I respect your thoughts or decision but I believe we need to agree to disagree...
And above all really it comes down to respect... If everyone felt, thought or acted the same... life would be pretty boring... I truly respect every persons individuality... and keeping in mind that I am human... means I am imperfect and not always right... you must be willing to take advice and hear others out with respect if thats what you would like and expect of them... good luck:))
DenverSpiritualCounseling.com
Bidden or not, God always enters in.
Carl Jung
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La Von Snotsguava
Here are a couple of points that occurred to me when I read your question.
People, for the most part, enjoy it when someone takes interest in what they have to say. We all have egos to one extent or another, and when someone asks questions about what we have to say, it makes us feel that they are genuinely interested in us. There is a difference however,between feeling that someone wants to clarify and feeling that someone is interrogating us. My suggestion to you is that you find a book on a technique that is one of the first that professional therapists learn. It is called active listening. The perimeters are exact enough so that you will be able to stay in that place where people feel you are interested.
Best of Luck!
Elena
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