The reasons for making new friends could be plentiful. You may have moved to a new city, you might have had a falling out with your old friends, you might be going to a new school or have made some other transition in your life - like marriage or motherhood - and you are looking for new friends to share your new interests. You might just be lonely! Here’s what you need to do
1
I was once a part of a very tight group of friends. We did most things together, and it was a comfortable, warm place to be. I felt as if I belonged, and felt secure in the knowledge that I could call any of them up and have a talk or get together. Then, circumstances changed and I could no longer be a part of that group. I was incredibly lonely and struggled with how I felt on my own. I slowly realized I had to make new friends, but how? It takes a lot of work and time. You need to find people, and you need to allow time for them to get to know you and you, them. In the long run, everything turned out okay for me - although I miss that time of closeness with old friends, my new friendships are maturing and this time, I am sharing some of my favorite interests with like-minded people - so the friendships feel more fulfilling to me as a person.
-
Step 2
The best way to meet people that you’re most likely to become friends with is to have some hobbies where you can meet people. What interests you? Do you like to volunteer, sew, work out? If you have a new baby, look into a local new mothers group. If you enjoy riding your bike, find a biking club that gets together every weekend for a ride. Is there a place of worship you would feel comfortable going to? With online resources, you can find a group that meets that will be doing something of interest to you. If you need to make new friends at school, find an after school or extra-curricular activity that you would enjoy. Even if you don’t find new friends, at least you’ll be doing something you like!
-
Step 3
Once you meet at your activity, now you need to find a way to connect with the people who you are meeting. I always tell my kids, if you want to have a friend, be a friend. Start by asking questions - this will make the person feel good and let them know you are interested in them. In the meantime, their answers will tell you whether or not you think they’d be good to have as a friend. Are they funny? Uptight? Angry? Prejudiced? Dull? Interesting? Kind? Ask where they work, if they live nearby, about their family or hobbies. Have you read any good books lately? What are your favorite TV shows? For someone who’s shy (like myself) it’s a lot easier to come up with these questions than it is to talk about myself. Try not to seem like you are interviewing them, certainly answer any questions put to you as well. But be genuinely interested in them as a person, as you would want them to do with you.
-
Step 4
Swap email addresses or phone numbers and ask if they’d like to get together for coffee, a mid-week bike ride, a play date for your kids. You might have hit on the one person who’s too busy to add any new friends to their calendar right now, so don’t get discouraged. If you keep smiling and trying, you’re bound to find someone who will be pleased to spend time with you. Again, finding common ground is a good place to start, although friends who are diverse can be the most interesting in the long run.
-
Step 5
Lastly, remember this: You need to like yourself first. Build your own self-esteem by challenging yourself and pursuing your own goals. This will not only make you feel more confident (and everyone loves a confident person) it will make you more interesting to others. If you feel good about yourself, maybe it will take the edge off being alone for a bit while you are working on making new friends. Good Luck!
