Been there done that. Your family is punishing you as a tool for manipulating you. ENOUGH of that. Forgive yourself and know that God is the ONLY person you need seek true forgiveness from. Ask and it will be given. Let your family own their problems and do not let them use it as a tool of guilt to get you to submit to whatever mind games they are up to. Next time they pull that on you, I would say to all of them, let's go outside, have them all pick up a stone, and then tell each of them, any one of you who is without sin, cast the first stone at me. I suspect there will be no stones thrown and you can finally tell them you can forgive them for their trespasses too. And tell them to never bring up your infidelity again, lest they would like their laundry list announced.
God is love. Jesus died for us so OUR sins may be forgiven. Teach by example. You are human, you are not God. You are loved and forgiven. If they are of no comfort to you, do not try to fill the void anymore with an affair. God is there to comfort you, he is waiting for you to ask. Go to Him and He will wrap His loving arms around you. And then just take a big breath and hug yourself. You have been through a lot. I suspect you are harder on yourself than your family. Do not re-act when they are malicious, just tell yourself, I am loved...and forgiven by the one that truly matters for an eternal life. And if your family doesn't get on board with you, pray for them. Take them to a spiritual leader...a priest, pastor. Someone. Or go on your own like I did.
Fill your life with things that are of benefit to you. Exercise, read the Bible-great stories in there you can read to the kids or refer them to, as well as your husband. Remember, GOD loves you...He is your rock. Your earthly family is what God needs you to guide in His will.
So, looks like we both made a mistake. I asked a priest what would happen to me if I disobeyed one of the commandments. His answer to me was, it depends on what your intentions were. I certainly did not intend on having an affair. I only intended on loving that man for the rest of my life. I had found my soulmate. I never knew what a soulmate was until I met him.
Only 2 commandments you need to know are to love only God and no others before Him and to love your neighbors as yourself. (You don't have to be their new best friend) The rest of the commandments were made by man for man.
It took me 6 months to get over the betrayal and despondency of being abandoned in my "relationship" when my husband discovered it totally by accident. I was riding my bike and my "soulmare" as I call him now was riding in the same vecinity. We were seen by my kids and husband. It was the first and only time I ever rode with him.
My husband ws going to divorce me, but didn't, twice. Thought he was doing me a favor by not doing it. My "soulmare" did not divorce his wife either, even though we were not the cause of the dysfunction in our respective marriages. I became the scarlet woman, both husbands decided it was cheaper to keep her.
7 years later, my children got older and have led a life of uncertainty that their parents will stay together and tell me all the time I should divorce him, but NOT marry the other guy. I see my soulmare, who keeps coming back in and out of my life, telling me he is for sure, this time (going on 4 times now) getting a divorce, off and on over the last 7 years. I finally mustarded up enough self esteem and self respect to push him out of my life. Why? Because I live my life in the light, I will not compromise my soul ever again for anyone. Love is not supposed to hurt. I started to recognize a pattern in my life on how I allow men to treat me...and I have to say, I am smiling from ear to ear, confidently knowing God is my shield and Jesus is my salvation and the Blessed Mary is the kind of woman I look to for guidance as well. When my earthly family failed me, Mary made it safe for me to come back to confession where I had to die unto myself in order to live the life God wants me to live. With or without my soulmate or husband. I have reclaimed my soul and pray for peace in my heart every day. For everyone's sake. And as for you, pick yourself up by your heelstraps and get out there and make someone's day a better day.
Take it from a recovering repeat offender, if you ever even think about having an affair again, slap yourself 3 times. Each time a little harder, because that is exactly what a man is doing to you when he knows he can get his cake and eat it too. The devil made him do it, is what he will say, jokingly as a dagger pierces through your heart right through your soul. Get a grip of yourself. Your soul is God's gift to you. Treasure and protect it with your life. NEVER set your values aside for anyone, nor let anyone value you less because you made a very human mistake. Only God has the right to judge...not your family. Not your friends and not anyone who reads your plight. YOU BELIEVE IN YOU< GOD BELIEVES IN YOU<I BELIEVE IN YOU. What else matters? You do...move on. Don't get stuck on the same old spot. That is like getting stuck on stupid...smile
, it will make people wonder what you are up to....lol. Have a wonderful and spiritual life. Your job here has just begun. Remember to thank God everyday and ask for his help. He is waiting to hear from you.