This is a highly sensitive situation; mainly because of how we are programed to believe about sex and relationships. A relationship is based on many things. What the relationship is based on, of course, depends on the types of people involved. There are many loving relationships that do not make sex a main point; however, in the beginnings of a relationship, sex is usually a big part.What is involved with a good sexual relationship is communication.
When highly charged arguments occurs, there is almost always a substantial amount of fear involved. The reason being, it protects one from the real issue(s) at hand.
I am most concerned about you being depressed. This can be quite serious, and harmful to one's mind, and health. Above all, it is important that you take care of yourself, and indeed, this is a step in that direction.
Within a loving relationship, there is the practice of communication. I say practice because that's what it involves....practice, practice, practice. Within a loving relationship, we must step past the (very intense) fear, and trust each other to be open and honest about our feelings. When one communicates about emotionally charged issues, it is important not to immediately take what is said personally. The reason being, what first comes out (because of the intense emotion involved) is usually distorted. After some time, an understanding will begin, and a sense of calm will follow.
Your feelings must be addressed. Your husband, because he has a deep love for you, absolutely must lovingly address your feelings; and likewise. I believe your challenge is not so much the sex thing itself, but commucation.
There are many long lasting, joyful relationships in which sex has little part. I'm not saying that sex is not important for you or any one else. That is not my place; however, I am saying that communication is everything.
If we can learn to love ourselves, then we can shine light on ourselves and others without fear; but once again, communication is imperitive. Please take care of yourself.