So Worried Daughter is not Thinking Straight

My daughter is beautiful and one of the nicest people you could meet. She also is very inteeligent (a successful lawyer). She is 31 now and has been frustrated for a few years because although she has much dating experience she has not yet met the right guy. Last year she dated a guy for some months but finally ended the relationship, saying at the time that he is a nice guy but she was not intellectually stimulated by him, he lacks ambition (he does manual work on home projects for someone else; she said then that he has no desire to own his own business or do anything other than what he does). At that time, she said she had concluded that they did not want to go the same place in life and never would. Now, a year later, she has become very impatient to marry because she wants children. She contacted him and it appears that despite all she told him when she broke up with him he has agreed to restart the relationship with her. I am so worried, and I really believe she is headed for a very big mistake that will last a lifetime. I should add that as she started to form the idea of contacting him again she started expressing what I consider to be a really twisted idea--that maybe she would just have a short marriage--oh, about 10 years--and the children she would have would last forever. She is way too smart to be deluding herself like this, but all of a sudden she now is acting excited about seeing this guy again, and I don't know what to do. My question: should I or someone else talk to her honestly about the dangers of what she appears to be doing? Or should I just give up, since she is an adult, and do all I can to pick up the pieces later? I am really upset that she seems to have contorted her thinking just because she wants very much to have children soon. I also worry because she always has been a very kind person, and at the heart of it this doesn't seem very kind to me. Another worry is this guy's sense of self: she told him honestly how she felt last year, so why in the world would he want to be with her now?


Share Send to a friend Watch Report
 
 

Posted Answers

Order by
 
Nel
20 thumbs up

TLC is not a limited edition

You or somebody close to your daughter should maybe sit her down and explain to her that mariage is not a business transaction. it is very selfish to make someone believe you have feelings for them when in actual facts you just want their sperm by looks of what information was given.it is selfish towards the partner involved but also the children born from this union as they would end up being from a broken home.even if she told the guy why she wants a relationship with him.he probably thinks he could teach her to love him. Surely she could go for invitro if all that she wants is children..THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE A CHILD IS THAT HE/SHE'S PARENTS LOVE EACH OTHER.By going ahead with her plans she would not just be making a mistake but she would wreck so many lives including those of the children born out of such a loveless mariage.


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to sintybabyg's question
Rated as
Best Answer
0
2

Helpful?

line
line
line



 
19 thumbs up

"I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one."     ~John Lennon

Honest opinion, Mom....stay out of it.  I know it is hard, as a Mother, you want the best for your children, but she is an adult and she is going to do what she wants to do even if it isn't a good decision.  All you can do is be there for her.  You told her how you felt, if I got it right, and if you didn't tell her how you feel and that is all you can do.  If you are on her case about it all the time all she is going to do is resent you and not feel she can not tell you anything without thinking you will be on her back about everything.  I'm not saying don't worry, because that is what Mom's do, but as I said before she is going to do what she wants anyway.  I know...I am in a similar situation with my daughter.  She is living with an abusive man who is going no where and bringing my daughter down with him.  She is a psychian's assisant and wants to go to nursing school, but she is doing nothing with going back to school.  There is nothing I can say to her.  All I do is pray for her.


Posted 7 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to sintybabyg's question
Rated as
#5 out of 14
2
2

Helpful?

line
line
line



 
gee
2 thumbs up

so , it seems that you do not want your daughter to be in love but, be in a class.everything you talked of that your daughter wants equates to love.every thing of that guy is monetary, to you. does it makes since to say jesus would not be good enough for your daughter? show me what love looks like?show me what money looks like? funny ,your intelligient daught is lacking one that will make her life complete yet,you tell her to look for what she already has,money!if you have faith in your daughter raising a child unborn yet. then her handling a man is a small thing to a giant,especially if she an intelligent giant.her thoughts are only the teachings of the one who raised her and taught her of love,you mom!and the schools taught her how to be a lawyer. a"successful lawyer". who taught her about love still has work to do in making her a successful spouse and mother.


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to sintybabyg's question
Rated as
#12 out of 14
2
0

Helpful?

line
line
line



 

she lacks confidence and also do you recognise a pattern here.  I think she is unhappy being a lawyer, and maybe wants the simpler things in life - like love.  I don't think she is being honest with anyone and most of all with herself.


Posted 6 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to sintybabyg's question
Rated as
#13 out of 14
2
0

Helpful?

line
line
line



 
1456 thumbs up

Surrender.  Surrender.  But don't give yourself away . . . .

   ~ Cheap Trick ~

She could be artificially inseminated.  Then she could have her baby and take her time looking for the love of her life. 


Posted 5 months ago ( permalink )
In reply to sintybabyg's question
Rated as
#14 out of 14
2
0

Helpful?

line
line
line