Wife unable to forget her lover

Hi,
Jglizick gave you an excellent brave answer (gave 2 thums up).  No offence, please, but she is in deep love with him, all her emotions are given to him and that is very bad news to your marriage / relations.   I don't see any chances to bring it back to track (there is no way to stop her loving him).  I feel very sorry for you for her and for the family. 
Best regards,

Hello,

I don't think your wife has a "mental illness."  However,  she does not seem like someone whose "all emotions are given to him" (OronD).  Working from your own description of her emotional state (sitting "quiet and blank"), I would judge that she is in some kind of much less self-led or self-understood state.  I don't know what to say since you didn't give much description.  It seems like the two of you are very much unable to communicate; you are paralyzed by her lack of communication, and she is paralyzed by her relationship with this other person.

It is important for you to say more, or you will only solicit dire responses like that of OronD.  Of course, he MAY be correct, but that would not be because of necessity, but only because of a perpetuation of the way everyone is relating at the moment.  If nothing changes, then OronD is right, probably.  But that is because there seems to be no, or little, self-conscious and differentiated behavior at play.  The situation seems very depressed, and that is absolutely not a necessary place to be.  It is an easy and a self-pitying place to be.  Forgive me for saying so.  

 I wish you all the best in your rising, with your wife and children, to a very difficult emotional struggle.

 Please take care.

she might be going through a terrible time sympathise do not vandal her or make her feel guilty when u are married for a long time  u long for a relationship where u feel that u are too close and emotionally he might have been better partner it is just of phase end of the story is that she will never compromise her family for the sake of him and stop being jealous do not u look at girls when u drive or walk

One cannot divorce mental and emotional illness from each other,as they are one and the same when it comes to our own physical and emotional wellbeing, and how we relate to ourselves and oneanother. Lots of our physical sickness has its roots in our emotional sickness. In her case I would have to say that she ,as well as you, could use some out-side help. That is if she is willing, But having worked in Mental-Health for over 34,years. Guess, She won't see that she's the one who needs the help.  But you're the one who needs the help. So what you got going for you is a half-loaf relationship. You Would have to be blind not to see that, You are living in a sick, abnormal relationship, where her ghost lover keeps weakening the very foundation of your togetherness. Your kids would be the only reason for me to hang in there for a little awhile longer.  If it were me, I would end the marriage very soon. She is in love with him, and an emotional-half-time wife can't fill your arms, your bed or your heart. He's unmarried, Well, Perhaps, they deserve each other. And it's never too late for you to move on with your life. Threesomes never keep a relationships glued together, if they are in reality or also within one's mind.

20 years are more than enough to forget any thing what ever dear. the problem is not like that i think, rather the wife miss good time in this marraig and so she flee to that corner. the husband here can compensate for his wife loss and fill in the gab. you may both need some rewarm love within the family.

best wishes for both