What's wrong with me?!

Hi,
No offence, please, but do you really expect her to tell you face-2-face what she probably wants to say ?  (95% percent that it is a reflection of your relations).  I'll bet 3:1 that something is basically wrong there.  Please be honest with yourself and answer to yourself: "On a 0 to 10 scale how would I define our relations ?" I guess you'll say something like 4.5.....  Instead of trying to find out why is she avoiding sex / love / affection, better ask yourself: "What's wrong with our relations and how do I / we improve it ?".   There could be many reasons for it and each one has it's "answer".....
Best regards,

Hi,
Tnx for being open and reasy to discuss it.  Without knowing what is (are) the reason(s) that is causing the problem in your realtions you won't be able to provide the proper "answer"....  If you can't say what is the illness how would you be able to decide what is the prescription ?.  Assume that you try to spice things.... that want help if she has good reasons to think you cheated (sorry for the example).....
Let's be practical (as you want): I have the feeling that you can't bring her to discuss things with you: In that case you need a marriage counseling.  The sooner the better. 
By the way: Any good relations are based on 4 pillars: Trust + Openess + Communications + respect..... No offence (again) but your relation lack at least 2 of them....  that means a lot....
Best regards,

Hi Dusty,

     I'm sorry about what's going on with your marriage life. OronD gave you very good answers.  I gave him two thumbs up. I will suggest that you go on line and browse on the website of DRLAURA.COM.  She is a very good marriage counselor who wrote some very good books about married people having problems.

There are  2 books that you can buy from the bookstore and try to read them with her. 1.  The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

                      2.  The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriages

                      3.  The Five Love Languages (how to Express Heartfelt Commitment to your mate) written by GARY CHAPMAN

     I know you want real answers right now but these are wonderful books to help your marriage.

     You are saying that you have children and that she work too outside of the home.  These 2 could be the reasons that she is too tired to make love with you.  Do you help her in the household chores?  Are the kids big enough to be trained to help around the house so that she is not overwhelmed.  What kind of work does she have?  How many hours a week does she work?

     If the main problems are these 2, then most possibly you can ask her to work part time and also you can help at home too.  I don't  know what culture you have been raised from.  Some cultures expect the wife to do all the house work because that is what a woman should do and the men only sit around watching sports on TV.  I hope you are not like that.  If I had a husband who is not considerate, then that would be a reason to take a grudge and not be giving in the bedroom.

     When was the last time you two went on vacation just the 2 of you?  I would recommend going on a cruise for one week.  It is really fun and you will have more privacy and time for intimacy.  Give this a try.

   I hope your relationship will improve after you read these books together.  Marriage is a lot of work to make it work.  After you solve this problem, will you please keep us posted?  I know this will not happen overnight but this is a good way to start.  Take care and be patient.

Well, I guess my husband could be asking the same question.  I haven't been much interested in sex either.  I'm not sure why, other than we've been under a lot of stress.  I work full time too and am so tired at bed time.  It's hard to get together in the morning either because we're always in a hurry to get ready for work, or have work on our minds.  I also had a talk to him about how men are turned on visually and women emotionally.  When he comes up to me and rubs on me or touches me, but hasn't been doing or saying things that feed me emotionally - then I'm just not turned on.  When I hug him and he starts rubbing all over me - it's just a turn off for me.  Sometimes I just want a hug - a loving hug - not always a sexual one!  I want to hear how much he loves me...and why, I want to know he thinks about me during the day.  A phone call in the middle of the day just to say he loves me, or was thinking about me would work.  I've explained this to him, but I don't think he's getting it.  This is a process - he would need to call more than once...it would have to be changed behavior on a consistant basis .  It would be a combination of all the little things.  If he were to do express himself more thoughfully and emotionally without expecting 'something' in return, then I'm sure I'd be more turned on.  Hope this helps.