Browneyes, I think you are going to have to think long and hard about your options.
As I see it, at the moment the most pressing issue is that it appears your husband is having an affair. It is, of course, possible that his behavior can be otherwise explained, but given his actions it seems unlikely.
As such, the first order of business is for you to protect yourself both physically and financially.
I say physically, because if you and your husband are still having an intimate sexual relationship then you are at risk of STD's - some of which could kill you.
Protecting yourself financially is a no-brainer, but it is still something which can be difficult to understand and navigate through without help.
Here is what I suggest you do:
~ Start by making an appointment with an experienced Family Law attorney. The attorney can answer your questions and advise you of your legal rights and responsibilities, including support amounts and division of property (cars, bank accounts, pension and so on).
~ Then make an appointment with your gynecologist so you can be tested for various STD's (including AIDS). I am trusting you will come up clean, but it is better safe, than sorry.
~ Next, decide whether you wish to end the marriage, or save it. If you wish to save it, then marriage counseling is a must.
At that point, then you would need to confront your husband about the serious problems in your relationship and insist that he attend counseling sessions with you. Things will not change overnight, but a good therapist can help the two of you learn to communicate effectively and get back on track (if that's what you both want, of course).
If you wish to end it, then follow the suggestions you have received from the attorney and prepare to move on.
Good luck!
AOL Health