Tell me wutchu think of this poem??? on Yedda

Tell me wutchu think of this poem???

i wrote this poem:

The Only Boy!
<33

You're the boy I think about when I'm down.
The one that puts the smiles on my face when no one else does.
The one that is always on my mind.
The one and only boy that i truly love.
The only boy that has ever given me those butterflies in my stomach.

You're the only boy that can put a smile on my face,
no matter what the situation is.
You're really the only boy that I've ever cared so deeply about.
I dream about you every night. and if i don't thats only because its a nightmare.
And you could never be in my nightmares.
Some people say I'm sprung over you, but I don't think I am, I think,
I'm Just deeply in love with you.
And I would do anything in the world to be with you.

What I write about you is only the truth.
I've never had feelings for anyone like this.
I love you. and I really don't think that will ever change.
You keep my heart beating, and never stopping.
Everytime I hear a love song playing on the radio it reminds me of you.
You're the one that i truly love. and it will stay this way forever and not a day less.
I finaly realize what true love really is now that I've met you.

You're the boy I think about when I'm down.
The one that puts the smiles on my face when no one else does.
The one that is always on my mind.
The one and only boy that i truly love.
The only boy that has ever given me those butterflies in my stomach.
You’re the boy I love.

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uriba

16 answers

22 thumbs up

(i thought this was spam for a second, very strange getting this question matched to me, but here goes:)

Depends from what aspect

it looks like something it will be really nice to get if you were that boy and you were interested in the girl and mature enough not make fun of her tender feelings. something many boys are not very good at.

as "poetry", it's not much, but i don't think that's the point.

Posted 8 months ago ( permalink )

In reply to BlondeCalliBabe's question

uriba was invited by Yedda to answer this question.

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Helpful?

janedoechronicles

72 answers

58 thumbs up

"Even the most ordinary man can make a difference, he just has to believe he can."

Hello BlondeCalliBabe:

Many times a student may solicit help on a pending submission for a class homework project. Everyone has to start somewhere. The fact that you have attempted the creative development of a poem of heartfelt emotion and love is a good thing.

Hopefully, the following adjustments, which will not rewrite the poem . . . will push you in the direction of refining it, carefully eliminating unnecessary words and creating a better word flow and clarity.

In the repetition stanza one and four consider different options as:

You're the boy I think about when I am down
The one who puts similes on my face
When no one else does
The one who is always on my mind
The one and only boy I truly love
The boy who gives me butterflies that flutter within

In stanza two:

You're the only boy I've cared so deeply about
I dream about you every night
And when I don't it's a nightmare
Because I must do without
Some people say I'm sprung over you
I think not so for,
I'm just deeply in love with you

Stanza three needs a lot of work: - eliminate excess words - better clarity and flow.

Stanza four is a repeat of one . . . in whatever changes you decide is best.

Writing from the heart and depths of the soul will help to produce a well written piece, for it is the emotion of the magic of the right words that relays, entices and keeps the reader reading.

Use the above adjustments to get you going. Please note the difference in tone of the piece and flow in the little done.

Rewrite and tweak your love poem until it feels right and sounds good.

For a quick crash course visit: poetrymagic.co.uk

CeCe Day Hill Copyright (c) 2005-2008
Jane Doe Chronicles - All Rights Reserved
www.janedoechronicles.typepad.com