Sympathy for others

It's a bit of a personal question so I can't give out many details. Anyway, How can One overcome non sympathy for someone he should be very fond of?  


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That is pretty vague. I think that the main question I have for you, is why do you feel a need to overcome it to begin with?

From what I understood, something bad happened to someone and you feel bad about not feeling bad about it? I don't think that the fact that something bad happen to someone means you need to change how you feel or think about them. I think you should be more sympathetic toward yourself and allow yourself the room to feel what it is that you are feeling.

That doesn't mean that you go to a funeral for instance and laugh at the widow. I think you can bring yourself to respect the codes of social behavior without changing the way you feel.

A friend of mind lost his father a couple of months ago, the man was very ill for years, and his death, in my opinion, a huge blessing, both to the father, but also, and mostly, for the son who could finally get back to his life without having to spend all his free time in the nursing home.

Even though I was really happy for the death of the father, I still went to the funeral and payed my respect. I told my friend that I'm sorry for his pain. A few days afterwards, not in the funeral, I told him that though his suffering now, I'm really happy for him and I think that this is the best thing that could have happened. 

I don't know why you don't feel sympathy, maybe that person hurt you in the past, maybe you don't feel like they are being accountable to their own actions, maybe you just dislike them - I think it's important for you to stay with yourself and your feeling and not compremise them just cause you feel it's expected of you to feel something different.

 I'd be happy to say more if you want to fill me in on the details.

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tovarich
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You must have a reason for not liking someone.Try to remove that reason and you're there.PAul
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Tivoli
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There can be many good reasons why you do not feel sympathy for some one you should. But first of all do not be harsh on yourself there are many variables in human behavior. Some are variables are hard to detect, and they lead most of us to maladaptive behaviors a feelings.


You should confront this feeling by yourself or with someone who is close toy you, you might even find a solution if you would share this feeling with the person you do not feel sympathy for.


In any case you are only human and your solution will come from some other human, usually someone close.
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Jura1
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Thanks, for all of your sincere answers. Lilly,  - "something bad happened to someone and you feel bad about not feeling bad about it" - That's not exactly what I meant, but unfortunately this is true as well. You have made an interesting point with the, Stay with your own feelings and not with what you're expected of. Anyway, Many thanks.

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cwhaley
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That is pretty vague, but I'll offer a few comments anyway.

 

Symapthy doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with affection or love. It also has a logical component. For instance a good friend might end up in jail for let's say robbery. You could still say "I have no sympathy for him, because he spent all his money on drugs and wouldn't ask for help with his addiction." That doesn't necessarily mean that you no longer have any emotional attachment to the friendship.

 

But if you do feel that you have something you need to work on, it's probably empathy, not sympathy. They're often confused. Sympathy is often a simple acknowlegement that someone has experienced a loss as in "I'm sorry to hear that your father died recently." That's still meaningful, but it need not have much emotion behind it.

 

Empathy is when you try to put yourself in that person's position and think about how you'd feel. That can make a big difference in some cases. This book, Creating Harmonious Relationships: A Practical Guide to the Power of Empathy by Andrew Lecompte might help...

http://amazon.com/dp/0967274168/ref=nosim/?tag=informationtec.3

Finally, not everyone reacts the same with respect to sympathy or empathy. Some people and cultures mourn for weeks after a death in the family. Others follow the funeral with a big party to celebrate the deceased's life.

 

You'll have to decide for yourself whether you really have a problem or are simply reacting to what other people are telling you that you should feel.

 
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Lady Bird
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Trust no one and Respect is earned not given!!!!

Easy. If you were really fond of them like you say then it wouldnt be a problem. So apparently you are just lieing to yourself becouse you dont want to deal with the truth. Right ?! Or maybe you think you are trying to help that person tuffen up and quite feeling sorry for their own self, why should you give them any more sympathy they do a good job on their own. so either be honest and up front with them or deal with it! Your call.
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