'Most of the time you can show me the light, in the strangest of places, if you look at it right!'
- R. Hunter
How do you keep your principles with regard to raising children, knowing that you are sacraficing their freindship? My son and i are close, close enough to tell me things that will make me upset, like that he tried smoking pot with a couple of freinds, after i have warned him about even trying it. I like that he tells me these things but then i wonder why. When it no doubt resulted in a restriction for a month, so he invites me to read his my space conversation with a girl he likes, so gives me his password, i read the posts only to find other things upsetting, not in the actual posts between him and her but previous posts i don't think he thought i'd read, that he was drinking, with freinds too. I am angry but bewildered that he is: 1- doing these things when i raised him better, 2- having me find out? I'd chalk it all up to a cry for help but, when i discover these things like with the pot, i reaffirm my position and then he turns around and does it anyway. Why? I mean he told me his freind would be pressuring him into smoking, and although i tried to explain how it would do nothing but interfere with his plans he did it anyway. 16 year old boys, i was one once and i try to remember but i'm afraid i can't be objective. Please help.
If my kids have a good life, I will be happy
It really is hard. You want to be buddies, but you have to be the bad guy. But really, you're not being the bad guy; you're leading him into what is best for him; in the long run. Don't be afraid of being disliked - We are dads! It's our job. Eventually, our kids come around (Mine did); and know we were trying to save their lives. Give them a good start - Be their parent first, and their friend. By doing what's right, you're being their friend; and showing them how to be a good friend.
Be honest and be true to yourself.
Hi, I think that one cannot be a good parent and a best friend at the same time. If you think that you are good friends, your children won't listen to you and respect you. You should be a parent first when your children are below 18 years old. Once they turn 18, then you can be friends with them. They will be responsible for their actions and the consequences of their actions.
The road to nowhere is paved with good intentions.
Such good advise from my friends. Thumbs up!
I'm raising a young one myself, a step daughter, and worry about this issue coming up myself. It's important to draw the line between friend and Parent. The way I see it, our children will have enough "friends", they only have one set of Parents, which makes for two distinguishing roles in our Kids minds.. in their lives. Parenting is a critical job for us in our Childs developement. One day they may be Parents themselves... it's up to us (as the Parent) to show them how.
I can tell that you really love your son, and the communication you have with him is wonderful, it just needs to be tempered with your authority... and firm boundries of right and wrong. He needs to know who is (DAD).
Take care.
Just remember, if the grass always seems greener on the other side...it's probably because there is more manure there.
You sound like the typical concerned and loving parent. We try to give our children the benefit of our life experiences and hopefully sway them away from making the same mistakes we made at their age, but there comes a time for all of them when they need to discover for themselves and make their own mistakes. Basically all we can do is keep plugging away and hope what we teach then sinks in enough to keep them on the straight and narrow.
One plus is that for whatever reason, he respects you enough to let you know what he is doing – even if he knows it is against your will. Your punishment is showing him you love him and care and you have kept the lines of communication open. He knows you are his Dad first and his friend second. These are all very important.
As he continues to grow into adulthood, remember that you two will eventually agree on less and less as he forms his own opinions of what is right and wrong. (We did it with our folks also way back when too remember?) Hang in there, you’re doing a good job.
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I'm in the same position as you. I am 30 and my daughters are 13 and 10. I feel as if I'm able to balance the parent/friend thing very well. You have to understand that they are going to do things they shouldn't regardless of how strict or lenient you are. It's part of being a kid. I don't think there's a kid in this world that hasn't done something they knew would piss their parents off. My daughter tells me plenty of things that she knows I'm not going to be too happy about.. and I like the fact that she feels she can talk to me & confide in me. I don't ever want them to be afraid of what I'll think or say. The fact that your son confides in you knowing he will get in trouble shows you raised an honest kid who knows when he does wrong he gets what he deserves and knows that you're doing what's best for him. Sounds like you're doing a pretty good job balancing the parent/friend thing yourself. Who knows why exactly kids do what they do.. maybe b/c they do and then think.. not think and then do?!
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