Sibling Rivalry

Hi Mink,

   I do think that since you have the education and the knowledge, do you think that you should be the one who could understand their behavior? Do you think that instead of being irritated, that you should feel more compassion?  They are your blood relatives.  I think that relatives should try to keep good relationships with each other because they are the ones who will help you later if you need their help.  You just don't know when you will need them.

    I think that you should love and accept them the way they are.

Mink ~

Many on this site might not agree with me on this one, but I was sort of in your shoes.  I made my own family.  I found friends that had my  same interests, that were educated and that were loving and compassionate people.  And I pretty much ended my relationships with most of my family members.  I still keep in contact with the ones whose company I enjoyed, but I rarely get together with the group.  It is hostile, combative, and stressful for me, and I never leave feeling good about the encounter.  In a perfect world, we would love our family members, but look at it this way ~ If you met these people on the street or were introduced to them at a party, you would hate them.  They are not people that you would ever choose to spend time with.  So, the fact that they are family makes it harder to leave them behind, but it sounds like they have each other. Find your own family.  Spend the holidays with them.  Make a loving, peaceful place for yourself in this world.

Mink, I understand totally what you are dealing with. I myself am the eldest of eight.  As well as your relatives being 'just that', your relatives, they are also individuals, and they will make mistakes. Whether or not they choose to act in a negative or unfair way only you will know. Some people have this bizzare idea that if you come from a larger family, all is harmonious and it's like living in an episode of the Waltons, it certainly isn't. I know a few people who like myslef come from large families, and they understand just how complicated things can become. Family members CAN be jealous of each other, they can be determined to cause upset if they think you are getting a better deal than they are, in whatever given situation. Just because you can identify unfair behaviour in others and the reasons for it it doesn't mean you 'have' to accept it. So I disagree with anyone suggesting you do this. If you are constantly being hurt, upset, used, taken advantage of etc, by the same people, habitually, they do not care about you. Sometimes you just have to walk away for your own happiness to thrive. I see quite a few of my friends as family, I am closer to them than 'some' of my siblings. Only you can and should do 50% of the leg work to make things right, the rest is up to them. Think of how you would reject even half, less than such negative behaviour from a stranger, a Co-worker, a neighbour, and yet people would put up with far worse things from their own family. I find this bizzare! nobody should feel they HAVE to accept being treated in a hostile, negative or abusive way.  I wish you much luck and hope you make the right choice for 'you'.