Seriously Screwed Up!

Yes, you have a problem. I need to tell you this...For your sake, your children's sake, and the sake of your marriage, stop your affair NOW...THIS MINUTE!! Please don't continue with this. Simply tell your girlfriend you need to sort some things out and move along.  You have invested 12 years into a marriage and produced 2 kids, that I am sure you don't want to mess with.  THIS IS THE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT STEP...

NEXT...You and your wife obviously need some counseling. There is a reason why she doesn't want sex.  Has she gained weight? Have you gained weight? Are either or you ill? Is SHE having an affair? Do you treat her the way you want her to treat you? Liven up the relationship. Surprise her with kind words, affection, and genuine friendship. You don't need to rush down to the local florist or jeweler..that doesn't buy love. Write her a note. Tell her your feelings. Express yourself! You may not realize this, but it IS possible that you are NOT open with her, which makes her resent you or keep her distance from you.  Believe me when I tell you all of this.   NOW...it is quite possible your wife is unloving and unaffectionate. I have a sister in law who is so mean no matter what my brother does for her.  These type cannot be changed so easily, and sometimes it's not worth it if they are not willing. TWO people have to be willing to work things out; one can't do it on their own!  Have a serious talk with her. Does she want to stay in this marriage? Is she is love with you? ASK HER STRAIGHT UP QUESTIONS and figure out where the two of you are in this marriage.  Not everyone is compatible, but it is possible you two DO love each other under all of this. 

Once again, the girlfriend has to go no matter what feelings you have right now.  You have too much to take care of BEFORE you can have a girlfriend who is "in love" with you. That is too heavy for you right now. If things really can't be fixed at home, this girl will be there if it's true love. (Remember, it MAY not be true love for YOU, but a shoulder to cry on instead. I wouldn't jump into anything myself). I understand you are not happy at home, and I don't blame you.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO EVERY RELATIONSHIP...I wish you well, and I want you to remember that everything works out in the end with effort.

Hi,

     I recommend communicating with your wife the way you feel, that you are  not getting the love and attention that you deserve from a wife and confess to her that you have turned to another woman who provided you with  your sexual needs and tell her that you love her a lot and would like to start all over again and show each other the caring and the love that you had before.   This is a tough thing to do but I think you must have to be honest and also to be ready whatever the consequence will be.  Suggest to her marriage counseling to save this marriage because you have children who will really suffer from a divorce.

     Does your wife  have some medical problems ?  Does she have pain during intercourse?  Is she in the beginning of menopause?  She may have to see her gynecologist to rule out any problems that are causing this disinterest in sex.

     Have you gained so much weight?  A lot of men, I notice after so many years of marriage, don't care anymore how they look, they develop pot belly stomachs, looking like 10 months into pregnancy, and that does not look appealing. 

    Hopefully, you are going to explore all the possible causes of your wife's indifference and will find the proper treatment for it.  I am sincerely hoping that you will overcome this  problem.  Take care.

i think that you need to be honest with your wife. tell her how you really feel but dont tell her about your affair right away. if you are open with her then she might try better to be affectionate. you may very well fall back in love with her. maybe even counciling would be a good idea. since you have kids you want to try your hardest to keep your family together. as for this other woman i know it will be hard but you can't keep seeing her while your still with your wife. you know its wrong and it just isnt fair to your wife. think of what your kids might think if they found out what you've been doing behind their mommy's back.