dear girl.

victims of abuse many times blame themselves. I also found the justification for his behaviour  so that i could continue loving him and being with him. the thing is there are no medals for having an abusive relationship. no one would thank you for this when you are older, all you can teach us later is how it was to be beaten and how it feels to beat him and how it is to live inside violence, so the question now is - is this what you want to learn and teach.

what kind of life do you dream of? what do you want your life to look like. if you have any little bit of will power and inteligence, take a look at what you wrote and ask yourself if this sounds like the life you want.

if not - asta la vista baby. there are a few better relationships out there waiting to be lived. good luck and take care of the person you were born to take care of 1st of all. yourself.