Ok, my question is this...what should I do in this relationship? Stick it out, keep it going, and make it better...or quit while I can?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 or 8 months now. I'm 20 and she is 19. I love her and she loves me, but a bunch of mistakes have led us down the road of jealousy, possession, and not trusting each other.
The first 6 months of the relationship were amazing, nothing ever went wrong, no suspicions of anything at all, and it was all sweet love and all that jazz. Then I read her phone one night on a whim and she had sent a bunch of messages to a guy she had actually told me kept hitting on her and that she thought was really weird flirting with him like mad and making it seem like she really wanted to sleep with him and cheat on me. He called her but she didn't pick up but she had said "yea I think I'll be alone at that time...if not call me again later..." and that same night I went out to a club and danced with a girl and told her to call me later with no intentions of seeing her again or cheating.
So I found out about these messages she had sent a couple days later and told her it was over and then the tears started flowing and she started explaining that she had been hurt really badly in the past by a cheating boyfriend and that she only did it for attention and that that is how she responded to guys because of insecurity issues (which I know she indeed does have) and that she wasn't planning on cheating on me...I later found out about a bunch of other messages like this flirting with a bunch of random guys...anyways I told her I could forgive her but for the next 2 months insecurities ate me alive and I yelled at her while she cried and I said a lot of really mean things and told her probably 50 times that 'if you've ever cheated on me I need you to walk away from me right now and not talk to me again'...after 2 months of emotionally abusing her I told her that I danced with a girl and told her to call me later the same night she sent her messages. At this point she walked away from me and everything flipped on me. She told me that she has never let another guy touch her body since we started dating and blah blah...I asked her why she had never told me this about never letting another guy touch her body all those times I had asked her if she had cheated and she said she 'wasn't about to give me that compliment while I was accusing her of untrue things'...but we got back together and things got even crazier...we got really drunk on a beach together and I somehow ended up holding the hand of a girl that I used to hook up with at the same time I was hooking up with my current girlfriend (before I said we should stop seeing other people)...my girlfriend saw this, punched me in the face, and ignored me for the rest of the day.
Against all odds we're back together again, but can it work? It has been good for 3 days with only a few minor problems, but can we build the trust back? And how am I supposed to know she has never cheated on me? There have been rumors spread that she has cheated on me and rumors spread that I have cheated on her. I know the ones about me aren't true and she believes me, which makes me inclined to believe her (I feel like she wouldn't believe me so easily if she had really been cheating), especially since she has been hurt so badly by cheating in the past and actually does care for me (even though she gave me a black eye :P)
I love this girl, I want to help her, she wants to help me, but I don't want to stick it out with her if she has cheated on me or will most likely cheat on me. I know I'm not going to cheat on her but she doesn't...she says she doubts my intentions sometimes...I'm just not sure what to do or what to believe...
Anyone with some good relationship experience care to throw in their 2 cents? And can any females give me some advice? All the male advice I get is basically 'this girl is crazy bro leave her' but I don't know the nuances of the female psyche and I have heard that girls crave attention as much as guys crave sex...if she really wanted attention from that guy and not sex it's all good but if she really was going to hook up with him I want out...
Ahhh! Help me out please :) Peace and love...
In as much as you love her, and you do -- It sounds like this is not the best situation to be in at this time in your life. It also sounds like she goes from man to man and if you cannot totally trust her, and if this is true, then I agree with you, you really do want out. It sounds as if you are ready for a more serious relationship, and she is not ready for that -- evidenced by the fact of how she acts and what she has said to you. Keep in mind, that the both of you are still very young and being that relationships are so complicated today, "Do you really want to be that serious just yet anyway?" And I say that, because, as your life developes, you will continue to meet more and more people, so think about getting involved (seriously invloved) with the right person -- when she comes into your life.
I can do all things through Christ
Yeah relationships are hard. I say if the two of You have any vacation time take a trip cross country go to Wyomi and Seattle,Wa. experitence something together that You can talk about in a positive way. If you don't fall more in love after that maybe You should part. Make life an adventure for the Two of You.
Try to start from the beginning and reasses youself. in that way you'll know what is causing the problem. Talk to each other alot, try to have a small vacation trip. It would be good for you to think over.
"don't do to others what you don't want others will do unto you"
hi whoorple,
as a feamale kind of specie,i admit i am craving also for attention from my loveones especially from my significant others. but in your case because as you said you wanted to help her as much as she wanted to help you, why wont you try to focus your own healing first before you heal the other. a blind person cannot guide another blind right? trust must come from ourselves first. i have only one simple advice, if you love her, love her unconditionally if it will not work then just leave.
Your direction,not your intention,determines your destination
You have some big, big , problems.First you don't trust each other now so what makes you think that will change? Both of you need to grow and experience more of life (not drinking, drugs, or sex) but mature. You will never trust each other no matter how long you try. See her as a friend but not as a partner. You don't have to be around each other every single day in order to survive.If you care about each other, go your seperate ways and sometime down the road if it clicks then it may be different but I really don't think so. You wanted a woman's point of view, you have it. Good luck.
I'm truley sorry, with trust there can be no relationship. All things hinges on trust.
Bail out now while you can.
Ken Reed Sr
Grow up first and date other people---have a life--compare== and wait a few years. You are too young and can't deal with this. There is no substitute for experience!!!
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