Is this your first pregnancy? Is this his first experience with a pregnancy? If so, then I can share a few things that might be helpful. Almost 30 years ago, I was pregnant with twins. It was my first pregnancy, and it was my husband’s first experience with a pregnancy. I was not supposed to be able to conceive children, and we married with the understanding that we would never have children. He was distressed when we found out that I was pregnant. He was devastated when we found out I was carrying twins. This impending event is a frightening thing for new parents, especially for new fathers, and doubly so when you are expecting multiples. There are many responsibilities and duties that come with parenthood, things that change your life forever. The advent of multiples is daunting. This reality can be overwhelming, but will become less so with knowledge and understanding of exactly what is happening.
Though you each have different roles, remember that you are both pregnant. The more you can share the experience, the better things will be. It is too often the case that the father is left out of the loop and, since he is not physically bonded to the experience, this makes it easy for him to respond to his “fight or flight” instinct. When you are having physical symptoms that hurt or perhaps scare you, he is helpless to relate and may even find your complaints irritating. Since he is probably already scared s***less about the future, his fear may manifest as anger. If you can empathize with him on the big picture, he will be more willing to empathize with your immediate condition. Reassure him of his potential to be a good father and provider. Then, together, grow with this pregnancy. If you are having symptoms, tell him. If you are scared, tell him. If he can do something to help you, ask him. He is not a mind reader. He will never know exactly how you feel for gender reasons, but he can listen. Men tend to be “fixers.” If there is a problem, they want to fix it. Well, pregnancy isn’t a problem they can fix, so they are very clumsy at dealing with all that comes with this experience. You have to take the lead. You have to find ways to let him help (i.e., fix something). This is your introduction to motherhood. Learn to manage this successfully, and it will lay the foundation for all the future lessons you will be teaching as a Mother, especially if you have a son.
Once you are both on the same page with this pregnancy, things should settle down and be less stressful. The first trimester is extremely difficult since there are massive hormonal changes that can make expectant mothers just awful to live with and impossible to understand. It can’t be helped; it is just a fact of life. I experienced dreadful headaches from raging hormones and had no patience with anyone. The second trimester was much better. The third trimester was great too, except that I couldn’t tie my shoes (so I wore clogs) and my enormous belly frightened everyone who saw me, which made me cry a lot. Throughout my pregnancy, I found that Yoga exercises and meditation helped me the most, not to mention that I was in great physical shape for delivery. Yoga may even be an activity that both you and your spouse would enjoy doing together. Without knowing more about your circumstances (e.g., financial situation, family support system, health issues, etc.), I cannot give you a complete observation of your particular situation. However, I believe you can sort through whatever obstacles there are if you have an open and honest dialog with your spouse.
