im 19 yrs old..and in the junior year of college.i've been taking fluoxetine since freshman year since i had a major panic attack after i saw a girl having a grand mal seizure.i was afraid and extremely scared for d whole week after that incident and when made to go to college i came back from thr cuz i ws feeling really uneasy.i had seen someone having a seizure for the first time and ws completely horrified at the scene.i ws afraid i might have it too.my father took me to the psychiatrist and he suggested me 20mg fluoxetine.i started feeling normal after a month.i also self diagnosed myself as a hypochondriac which i'm pretty sure i am.i also told d psychiatrist about the mental obsessions and the compulsions i feel about various stuff which i never told anyone else and he told me that this is pure-ocd and the meds wud help.now the problem is that all thru the 2 years from freshman to junior year i have had tremendous behaviour changes and have started failing my courses.the problems i am suffering rite nw are :
-not able to concentrate on anything at all.let alone studies i cant even watch my favourote tv show.i have a strong urge to get away and do something else.im always going from tasks to tasks and completing them in bits and pieces
-shaking my leg all the time in class and daydreaming
-feel like a prisoner of the moment in the class.not able to take notes and making silly shapes and figures in my notebook
-i'm always bugging my brother,im always high on energy though i sleep a lot.and abusing my friends in a joking way
but doing that a lot.at moments i can;t control what i';m saying and say or do inappropriate things at d wrong time.
and tht really pisses me..
-always having a different perspective on my self-image like having multiple-self images like if i could be a fearless person.or a more type of a reserved person or like this or like that.
-feel a strong emptiness inside which must be filled.
-i think so much until the point i start panicking.
- lately i've been having suicidal thoughts.like a strong urge to commit suicide.a strong feeling to escape the situation i'm in.
-whenever i have distressing thoughts or thoughts which make me anxious i note that thiught down in a small notepad which i have in my pocket which reliveves me of the anxiety..tht also annoys me as im doing tht a lot of time.
-i had a panic attack lately when i went out of the city for vacation wid my family. and it ws horrible.the doctor suggested me to take clonazepam and changed from fluoxetine to fluvoxamine 50mg in morning and 50 mg at night to help with my pure ocd since it was getting worse.i feel better with the ocd part but the lack of focus and the racing thoughts r really killing me..
the thing is even im trying my best to solve the problem im in..i have filled 3 diaries just in search of answers.created my "read this everyday" pages to help with my obsessional thoughts.but problem seems to be getting bigger and bigger.i just can;t seem to concentrate on anything lately.like im bored out of life..im afraid of d future.like how will i live like this ?.and if i dont study its gonna affect my career.:(
and if it turns out to be ADD/ADHD im so afraid of taking ritalin or adderall cuz i've heard they cause seizures to ppl..i dont know how to deal with my racing thoughts and lack of persistence on tasks.i tried to meditate but failed on that too.
is this just anxiety/ocd or something more serious like borderline or ADD ?
can someone tell me whats going on ?..is it normal teenage stuff ? or something i need to take care of ?
is it just my pure-ocd or something more ?
i'll appreciate every answer and THANK YOU for all the support and help.and thnx for reading thru all this.
