Need mo'

Your post has several contradictions so it's difficult for me to make any suggestions. Read the following and help me understand the difference between;

"Thing is, she has this thing about her where she is never satisfied with what she is given. She constantly asks for things. ... She just goes from one thing to another, ... she’ll ask can we make ... Then she’ll come back and ask ... After the visit she’ll ask ... On the way home she’ll ask ... This girl just never stops. It goes on and on like this... If you say no, she’ll keep asking even if you tell her not to ask again. If you say I’ll think about it, she’ll hover over you until she gets an answer. I’m so glad that school is starting, but I’ll still have to deal with it after school and on the weekends."

After reading this far I thought I had an accurate picture of what you're dealing with but then you said;

"Just in case you’re thinking it, she is not privileged nor has she been spoiled. She does not get her way all that often either."

JQNA, I can't get there from here. She's either spoiled and totally determined to get her way at all costs or she's not. If your answer is yes, Oron has some excellent suggestions, but you need to commit. Either she needs professional help or you're adjusting to having a teenager around the house and there is a difference.

Is it possible that some of this is you?

when her friends come to visit , it is logical and expected that they will want a snack, play in the rec room and watch a video. These things can be expected so I'm not sure why it catches you by surprise. In the future, when her friends are coming over, ask her what she plans to feed them and what they want to do. This way you can plan.

Secondly, I agree that she is spoiled. Some of this stuff you can say NO and stick to it.

I may have gotten into semantics here and I do understand your problem and it doesn't matter what you call it, it's how to best deal with the situation. You've not discussed the circumstances that caused you to take custody of your niece but if it was a marital breaak up she is no doubt suffering the effects and that may be contributing to her behavior. A child who feels rejected, even though it's not their fault, still suffers the consequences.

I would suggest time, patience, and the understanding that she is not responsible for the way she is. Someone had parental responsibility, one aspect of which is to use the word NO (with appropriate explanations) and that didn't happen. Unfortunately, you're picking up the pieces of someone else's failure and I can read the frustration in what you've written. I would encourage you to use the word No when necessary and be firm. Over time, she will come around as she (speaking metaphorically) realizes there is a new Sheriff in town and the laws must be obeyed. Additionally, hold on to the thought you expressed in your first post;

"She is very loving and caring."

because someone with these qualities is going to be just fine in time.

Sincerely and best of luck to you. It is a worthy cause.