I was in a relationship for almost three years. We're in our forties, but I am a few years older than him. He's never married and always told me that I was the love of his life. We lived together on the east coast in my home state where we met. My fiance was from the west coast. He had always planned to return but stayed about two years longer than he had planned with me. Once he told me that he was torn between me and his mother. They are extremely close. Towards the end of our relationship, he proposed to me on bended knee in a nice restaurant. My parents were present. I had thought that it was just another night out for dinner with them. Afterward, we moved to his home state on the west coast. I gave up my job of several years and gave away of my possessions. We were to stay with his mother for a brief period of time, until he purchased a small home. I knew his immediate family on both sides of the country from previous trips together and completely adored his mother. I have to interject here that about a month after arriving, my fiance and I had a heated moment where I made the statement that I wanted to go back to my home state. It sticks out in my mind because he yelled at me saying that I was his life and that he was never going to let me go. How do you argue with that? I just felt loved. Approximately, two months later, at a cookout, he asked a good friend who was a musician if they would sing a song or two at our wedding. Two days later, I was scheduled to fly out to my home state for two weeks to tie up some loose ends. While I was in my home state, my fiance called me every night. This was the norm for him. However, after being in my home state for about a week, he mentioned during one of his calls that he wanted to postpone the wedding. He had a couple of reasons that were sound, such as securing our new home, etc. He had had a discussion with his mother. Though I hid my feelings from him, my initial thoughts were, "we not going to get married." I felt that it was possible that I was wrong and told myself not to over analyze things. Anyway, he continued to call every night until I caught a morning flight to come home. His mother picked me up at the airport. When my fiance got off of work and came home, things didn't feel right. He didn't act thrilled to see me after being gone two weeks. He just came in, looked at me, and said "hi". A few minutes later he did come sit beside me on the couch briefly and give me a kiss. Again, I decided not make anything out it. Over the next five weeks he became shorter about some things and indifferent about others. He was more irritable. I thought that it was work. Anyway, what it comes down to is that four months after he proposed to me and five weeks after I returned from my two week trip, he called off the engagement. In fact, he yelled it at me. Afterward, he was horribly cruel with his words. He gave me two weeks to get my belongings and get out. He was so mean to me all the time. If I tried to stay out of the way, it made no difference. He would come over to me and hassle me with cruel words. If I softly spoke to him, he would find a way to hurt me in retort to what I said. I absolutely did not know this man that was before me. I was in shock. For this reason, I only stayed in the house less than a week. I couldn't take his cruel words any longer. I had no job, I did not know the city, and I did not know anyone except him and his family. I was devastated. I remained stuck in that state for another 1 1/2 years. I had to get a roof over my head and find a job so that I could start trying to save up some money to get myself back home. In the meantime, my ex-fiance would call me several times a week. He said that he wanted to be friends. Over time the calls became less frequent. For most of the time, his calls were at least once a week. He always kept the conversation light. It actually became like a set dialogue about the same topics. I had to be very careful about what I asked or said. The same wasn't true for him! When I asked him who he was voting for in the last Presidential election, he asked me if the question was appropriate. Excuse me?? We only slept in the same bed for three years. Anyway, we had spoken four times this past February. Twice, because he was bored in his hospital room where they were running some tests and he wanted to bend my ear about his pain and ordeal. After that I didn't hear from him for three months until he sent me email wishing me a Happy Birthday. Then he stated that if I wanted to, I could give him a call sometime. It would be good to hear from me. That was a month ago. My question is, "Why would a man go from Jekyll to Hyde the way that he did?" What changed in four months after three years? He was so loving all those years. Then he was a person that I did not even recognize. While he was verbally abusing me, it was all my fault. However, he never made it clear exactly what he felt my faults were. He would make comments about how I lost a good one...referring to himself. A long time after I had moved out, he stated that he just didn't feel like we were going anywhere. He said that we were not compatible. What? After three years? Why did he ever propose? As I said earlier, "what changes in four months after knowing someone for three years?" I know that he always wanted children. I can't have any except through invitro. So, I asked him if it was because of not being able to bear children. He insisted, "No, I have always known that we would not have children." Then I asked if had embarrassed him. Once again, the answer was no. I have not been able to find closure because his reasons are so vague. The shock of it all was earth shattering. It was so sudden and I was literally blind-sided. The impact was too much for my mind to handle and I wound up with a diagnosis of PTSD which merged into major depressive disorder. It's been almost two years and I am happy to say that I am recovering. At this venue, I would like to ask you what you feel from a man's perspective happened? I can assure you that there was no other woman involved. Trust me, this much I am absolutely sure of. It would have been easier to wrap my head around if it were. However, the way he treated me made it about me. It would have been nice if he had just said he loved me but that he wanted children. I could also live with that. One of the things he said when he was being cruel, was that no other man would ever want me except to **** me. He would scream, "Get the **** out of his life." This coming from the man I adored who would cuddle and talk baby talk to me. The man who said he wanted to die with me. The man who proposed to me and moved me away from home to, as he put it, "Start our new life together." In my mind's eye, there are two completely different men. He ripped away my sense of self-worth and shattered my spirit. Can you shed some light on this or is this much deeper on a psychological level? Thank you for your time.
