Mothers, teenage daughters

I think it's because many times the mother wants to make sure the teenager doesn't make the same mistakes she made. The teenager on the other hand wants to live her life independently and doesn't understand why her mother has to interfere with everything. The mother wants the best for her child but many times it's about who knows best.

I think that in truth, anyone can fight.  I think though, that finding a healthy balances between good parenting and taking a step back, a parent being firm but still cool, open minded but with moral standards... teenage life is very difficult for both the teenager and for the parents.  Mothers want to understand and be there for their teenage girls, but teens sometimes don't want help.  They don't realize that the parents were teens once too.  The parent may want to help too much, and enforce the way they were when they were teens on their kids, or force their kids to be the way they wish they were when they were teens.  This is a complex issue, but to make it short, it's certainly a difficult time for teens and parents... but they get past it usually.

I think it is because they are too much a like.  I know my daughter hates to be compared to Mom.  They are wanting to be independent and they need to make their own mistakes and not be told "I told you so" 

We Mom's are human and we do make mistakes too.  We do our best to guide them and help them perpare for the real world as scarey at it gets.

I have often times asked myself the same question. i have a 13 year and a 9 year old, both girls. and i swear we fight almost everyday. they seem to try and go against everything i say, or ask them to do.  i remember being a teen, and i know it was difficult, but now going thru it as a mother, OMG! i just pray that i make it, and that i am successful in helping my daughters become well adjusted, productive citizens...

I have never had a problem with my teenage daughter. or my teenage son. I doesnt have to be tense. I think we are scared for them because this world is not what it was when we were young. Its so much harder to be a teen in 2009. We try to protect them, and sometimes they take that as we dont trust them. When they start down a road that will get them no where, we need to let them stray alittle, but always be in the shadow to protect them. Letting them make their own mistakes, but being there in case its a mistake that will alter their life in a negative way. I am very strict, but not as strict as my parents, I always have my childrens back and they no that. But if they get out of line they know that every decision they make will have a consequence, they need to figure out if it is worth it, most times they see that no it isnt worth it. My daughter will be 17 in two weeks. Up untill now she has never been in a car with a boy, never had a car date, in two weeks her boundries will change, but I no how I raised her. I trust I did a good job. They are only a teenager for a short time, You dont need to fight, you really dont. Please dont put anger between you both, you are teaching her how to be a woman,and mother. Trust the job you did Good luck    Susan H-K

Susan, I pray that it remains the way it is now with your children. I had the same kind of relationship with my daughter until two weeks before she turned 18 and was surrounded constantly by college students who, for all intents and purposes, have been on their own for many years. Within two weeks of college, everything I thought I taught her about morals and right and wrong appears to have been forgotten. I know from talking to her that she still knows what is right, she just thinks that doing what her new friends (friends you will never know like you did her high school friends) want to do is somehow exerting her "independence". She somehow feels that simply continuing to be true to herself does not allow her to be independent of me. Kind of a "your rules, your control". So, just when I thought I would get to enjoy her on a more mature level, I don't even know who she is. She is not alone as many of the friends she so carefully chose in high school have taken the same route. Those same kids, from homes with caring, involved parents are now kids that I would have cringed to see her with in high school...but right now the same can be said for her. God Bless. p

Pure Faith, I'm sorry your daughter is hurting you, I am scarred about her going to college and changing, and not for the better, I have heard stories and it makes me sick. She has been consistent with responsibility's given to her, but I do see a little rebellion and I no it will get worse. We made her sign a contract before getting her License I am going to give her an updated one before she goes to college, I am not blind to what peer pressure is unfortunately swallowing our children up, One day at a time and plenty of consequences. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers,  Susan bungysqk@aol.com